Surviving..

Being away from my family isn't easy, but I think I can handle it... Well, I think I can as long as Bri doesn't write anymore blogs that make me cry and I see her before May. But honestly, so far it hasn't been hard. I can make it.

My job -- not always the best, but it's an internship. I take the highlights and I hold onto them, knowing this is going to help get me wherever I'm going. It's all a part of life and even if I want to throw the phone out the window, I'll push through and be the southern girl that I am to the person on the other end.. it's about the only time that part of me comes out -- New York is not a place to be happy and make random friends with the people standing next to you... So I'm going to make it. I'll treasure the experience I'm getting here.

I say New York isn't happy, but that isn't quite true... it just isn't friendly. I enjoy the time that I get to spend with my friends, even if it's goofing off in the subway on our way to class. But I miss the fact that back home, if you were standing as close as I was to some people this morning, you would know their name and where they were from by the time you reached your destination. If I tried that here (and trust me I havent) people would be searching for my angle, while blowing me off. It's just the way things are here. I understand it, but I dont really like it. I know I would do the same though.. you can't trust anyone in a big city..

So what's the hardest part so far?? Staying sane when all of the little things here and there come crashing in on you and a kid in class says something that tops it off and there is nowhere to go because.. you all live and breathe together... *sigh* But my RA is awesome. She has sound advice and listens when I just have to blurt out how I'm thinking of screaming or throwing that phone out the window... She may not always understand and I might not always seek out advice, just a sounding-board. Someone to listen and not gossip or get annoyed with how annoyed or frustrated I am.

Plus I have a few pretty great friends here. I mean, all in all, each of the kids in our program is great. I love our group and I'm happy for the time spent together. But I'm glad that I have those few who will go with me to see the places that are in my favorite movie, or venture off to some random food spot that is supposed to have the best-whatever-in-new-york. That's what I am happy for.

I'm going to survive. Slowly I'm finding my balance. It's kind of been like riding the subway. Some day you get a seat and you are completely relaxed, other days you have a rail and you are steady but have that possibility of slipping, others you are slipping around though you have a hold.... and like today... there are days when you are stuck in the midst of the crowd, with nothing to hold onto, praying that you will be able to steady yourself with your own weight.... It's unpredictable, but safe, nonetheless.

This is my life.
I will survive ;)