I realized tonight that there is a hearbreak that I may never get over. Not in this world anyway.

I haven't been to Wichita Falls since March. I keep telling myself that I'll go next month, I'm too busy now or I have to work, or it's too far to drive alone, or I don't have the extra cash for gas..But none of that is true. Here's the truth- I can't bare the thought of going to my grandparents house and my granfather not being there. I love my grandmother, I do.. But I want to see my grandfather sitting on the front porch, or in his chair in the formal living room, or watching tv in the den. I want to wake up to the smells of breakfast and coffee brewing, with him talking to my grandmother and reading the paper. Saying things like "oh Patsy.." I want him to tell me to check my oil before I leave. I want to introduce him to Blake. I want to take him to the French Riviera. I want him to play with my kids one day.

He was the only constant grandfather I had. He loved all of us so much. But my heart breaks when I think of the last day I saw him...He had been sick but was finally home and on the road to recovery. My family was leaving his house, saying our goodbyes and I was rushing my dad out the door. "C'mon let's go, he's fine. No need to worry about wills and such." He just wanted to make sure my grandmother would be taken care of and I wanted to go home. It breaks my heart to think about it. It's not something I will let go of very easily.

So I haven't been back. But I know I need to. I'm missing out on seeing my baby cousin grow up. And I haven't been there for my grandmother, but I dont know how to be. I couldn't even read my sisters blog about him until tonight.. and I cried. I'm still crying. She's right, death does suck.

Hello Again...

It's been too long.
So much has changed... and this summer has flown by. Where should I begin to describe the last four months?

Let's begin with the main reason as to why I haven't blogged... Last September, my trusty laptop died on me. And since I have major issues with understanding how to save money (I'm getting better) I have yet to purchase a replacement. So I was using my roommates computer... until my sweet cat decided to knock my water bottle on to her keyboard, putting it out of commission for an extended period. Without going in to much more detail, I am not in the best position to spend money on a laptop at the moment and so, God in all of his graciousness, blessed me with an awesome grandfather who has bestowed his laptop upon me for an indefinite length of time. So I am blessed and I am back to writing. Hello Again :)

While a laptop is certainly a blessing, this summer has been full of even greater blessings..

With my last post I was deciding on what adventures to take this summer, I was planning trips to see friends but the days ahead of me were empty pages with just a few weddings written in. The first wedding was days following that post: April 18. On that day my sweet friend Allie married her love, Boots, and I met my love, Blake.The pages were no longer blank, they were beginning to fill rapidly.
That's right my friends; my love story has been written this summer and it has been both sweet and amazing.

Boots and Allie concocted this idea of introducing Blake and I at their wedding some months before their day arrived. I believe Blake heard more about me than I heard about him during this time, but probably because he was Boots' roommate and I was off in Dallas. To be honest, I didn't event remember what Blake's name was, just that he was a groomsman and Boots' best-friend. I'll leave our actual meeting for a face-to-face story, but I will say that by the time I got back to my hotel from the reception, I knew I had met someone special. I texted him right away to thank him for a fun evening and hoped that this would not be the last time that I would see him. It wasn't :)

My trip to Nashville came unexpectedly, but it did happen. About two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, I found out that my parents, my little sister and my grandmother were taking a trip to Nashville and I begged a spot in the car. I must say that a drive like that, in a car with four other people, is not fun.. but it was completely worth it. I fell in love with Blake that weekend. I stayed with Boots and Allie and spent five marvelous days with Blake. Since then he has flown in to see me, though after our upcoming vacation, I will be flying up there for my birthday. It's a give and take. It is hard being so far apart, but every night I have phone date waiting for me and a supportive boyfriend to listen to me, or entertain me :) I really and truly am blessed.

I know this isn't all poetry and prose, or perhaps the best writing you've read from me, but basically -- I'm back. And maybe I should have picked an evening to return when my thoughts weren't slightly clouded by benadryl, but then again, who cares :) Ok, I really should call it a night..

I've missed you, I hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.

Love God,
Love people.