I Chose You
-Denise Hearn
You better get to runnin’
Trust me, you shouldn’t stay
A trail of broken hearts left in my wake
Legendary for my mistakes
But you say “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
I packed up my heart and hit the road
Telling lies, pretending I like to be alone
Tried to run away, you came after me
With a look in your eyes, brought me to my knees
And you said, “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
Try to tell you, leave while you can,
Don’t waste your time on me
For all the times I’ve offended, you never leave, you never leave
“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
My relationship with God was shaky at best through college. My freshman year was a time of rebellion. Surprisingly, I got myself into very little trouble and by sophomore year I had decided to change my life and lived a very strong Christian life that year. I was encouraged by my roommates and attended church regularly. Junior year started off ok..but I was back to my old antics by the time I moved to New York City. In all of this time, I moved between running to God to fulfill my life and running to what was supposed to be the "normal, fun, crazy college life." I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and what my parents always told me not to do.
Senior year was up and down... By the summer after graduation, I was through. I gave in to the partying and dating multiple guys as I decided to have one last hurrah before I entered the real world, because I deserved it. Or so I thought. I may have gone to church once or twice that summer, but throughout I was sure that it was better to be alone. I had made too many mistakes.. I had been called a hypocrite one too many times and I was done. I had been burned by people. Wasn't that sufficient? Could I not live as I chose? But he brought me to my knees...
By the end of summer I was desperate. I had chosen my summer antics, but from there, would I choose to continue them and move to San Antonio where the party-life would be 24/7? Or should I move to Dallas and pray for yet another change? Dallas was the best answer. And just a few days in to my move, I was struck with a bad ear infection and a rare strain of strep throat. I was bedridden for over a week and began to understand God's call to, "Be still and know that I am God." During that time he continued to bless me. I didn't have any damaging aftereffects from my illness and I was offered a well-paid job.
Continuously, God has shown how he has chosen me. My relationship with Christ is far from perfect. It is a daily failing on my part, but even today He reminded me of His perfect love... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine...[He will be with me and protect me]...Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you." (Isaiah 23: 1-4).
He will never leave me, nor forsake me. His perfect love is always wrapped around me, even when I try to ignore it. I may never learn to love Him as He loves me, but this song reminds me to continue trying, because no matter how far I run - He will always be waiting for me. Listen to her other songs, they are fitting too... "I could try to move away, but I know I just can't escape, cause you haunt me with your love, it's the one thing I just can't get enough of" (Middle of the Lake).
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Blake. He's been through a lot with me in the past five months. Not long after our relationship began, I tried to destroy it. Truly I did. All that I can say is that I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think was, I'm in love with this guy that I hardly know and he's going to hurt me. There was nothing of substance to my thoughts. He was nothing but kind to me and possesses an attribute of great loyalty.
But I had "a trail of broken hearts left in my wake"; I was skilled at ending relationships before they ever really began. In the past, most of the endings came about because I knew that he (whoever he was) wasn't the one, but this time was different - this time I wondered if he (Blake) was the one. That scared me more than anything. I began to think that if he knew my mistakes, if he found out, that would be the end to it. So I started telling him, first with past relationships. I threw one mistake after another into his face. It was like I was saying the first two lines to him "you better get to runnin', trust me, you shouldn't stay."
Thankfully, I have a wise friend who finally told me, as I was contemplating what else to tell him, to let the past remain in the past for now. I ended my week of attacks and came to realize that what had been my greatest "fear" was really my greatest joy. Blake is "the one." And the best part of all, he's accepting of my past because he has chosen me. All I have to do to bring a smile to my face is to think of his love for me.
But once again, our relationship is not perfect, but "for all the times I've offended, [he] never leaves." It's amazing. But my love for him is just as strong. He's the perfect fit to what my heart has desired. And together we can grow in Christ, who has not only chosen us each as individuals, but He has chosen us for each other. We are so greatly blessed!
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So Denise's song may break my heart as it reminds me of how foolish I have been, but it is really just a softening as it reminds me how greatly I am loved.
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Love God,
Love people.
And remember - he has chosen you as well.
