Numbers of Frustration

I like numbers. I’m not always good at them, but they tend to control our lives to some point. Here are a few that are controlling mine… While I was working, I had been searching and applying for jobs here for eight months and I had wanted to quit my job for a total of 10 months. I haven’t actually worked in six weeks and I have been jobless (no pay) for five weeks (35 days). In that time of not working, I have applied for over 30 jobs. I have since acquired one consulting job (supposedly; they have no timeline as of yet), a part-time job that pays just above minimum wage, and zero full-time positions. These are the numbers that continue to haunt me every day as I search the internet for more position openings, meet with contacts, and mail out resumes.

I suppose I am finally feeling the effects of the economy. It’s frustrating. Baylor kind of teaches you that you will be invincible with a degree and your first job – land that and you’re good. Yes, my first salaried job took a few months to get as well, but as soon as the timing was right, I got it immediately. Now, I feel like the timing is right... What better time could there be? But God knows best. It’s the only mantra that keeps me sane.

I’m lucky, I know this. Most people get laid off, they don’t choose to quit their job and move to another state. I am the one who made that crazy decision :) Yep, me, and I am loving it. I love being near Blake and I love Tennessee. I’m lucky because I had money set aside and I was able to pay my first and second months’ rent and my bills. Ok, maybe I’m not lucky – I’m blessed. God has set provisions for me before my move and has watched over me, providing a great little apartment with affordable rent. So I am continuing to trust that he knows what my future holds; which is comforting, because I have absolutely no idea.

So I have accepted this part-time job to have some sort of income as I continue to apply and search for something full-time. That has taken a lot for me to come to. It feels like I am accepting defeat. I know it’s normal and necessary and all of that, but it’s a bit of a blow to move from a salary to hourly pay.
Then I calculate in the hourly pay, and the few hours I will be working, and I just about stop breathing. Surely God is aware of my situation… So what am I doing wrong? I’m supposed to be here, my apartment is perfect and the best price available… Now what? An evening part-time job… Possibly.
So there you have it. I’m stressed and frustrated. I was asked if I feel like I made a mistake in moving and to that I can say a definite no. No, I’m supposed to be here. I would have quit my job anyway and it was perfect timing to move.

Too bad it’s not summer already. At least then I could enjoy laying out by the pool in the middle of the day :)

To everyone who has been so encouraging and sent prayers up for me, thank you. Really, I honestly appreciate it. Some days I do get irritated with the constant “you’ll get a job soon, I know it”, only because I don’t always know it, but at the end of the day, I appreciate your encouragement and your belief in me.

And to all of my friends in the same situation, or with spouses in the same situation, I finally understand. I thought I did before, but now I really do. And I have learned to pray a little harder in this time, so you’re slightly more covered now :)

Deena

I really should be sleeping right now.. Tomorrow is moving day! By this time tomorrow I will be an actual Nashville resident. But I've decided to put sleep off for a bit because my best-friend back home asked that I write a blog about how much I miss her, once that actually hits me. Well, it hit me tonight. And since I may be without Internet for a few days, I decided to put that in to words now.

Blake and I had a date night tonight; meeting for dinner at Cozymel's (great Mexican food for TN) and renting a movie at the RedBox, before heading back to Allie and Eric's in Franklin. As we were driving through downtown Franklin, I couldn't help but think how soon summer will be here and how I can't wait to go shopping at all of the antique stores and the girl design shops and dress shops... And I honestly started to tear up because I thought of one friend I would call up to do that with and she is 700 miles away. Of course, I could do the same amount of shopping with Blake by my side, but sometimes you just need a girl to go shopping with.

I do have a few girl friends here, but I'm not quite to that comfort level of knowing that I can call them on a moments notice to hang out. Mostly because most of them are newlyweds and I feel awkward asking them to ditch their husband (or family for that matter). But even if Deena and I were both newlyweds or had families, our friendship is that which I could ask her to ditch the hubby for friend time and shopping.

It's not just because of shopping that I miss D. That just struck this Texas girl first because the idea of walking from one store to another is exciting in itself. Then you add in the fact that it's actual shops in buildings older than most things in Texas and it won't be sweltering heat of 110+! That just makes me smile in anticipation...

But I really can't go over to her house for Ghost Whisperer marathons or hang out by the pool this summer. She can't call me to save her from an awkward situation/party..instead I sometimes miss the text just telling me about it. I am so thankful for gchat, email, facebook, text and unlimited minutes, but it's not everything. I do believe I have strengthened one relationship and switched the other one to limited contact.. I know it was the right decision :) I love Blake like crazy, but it sucks that I couldn't box Deena up with me. I guess I'll just have to work harder on a plan of how to get her up here...

That's all for now. I miss my best friend and wish she could help me decorate my very sparse and very small apartment tomorrow, but I suppose I will just have to get it ready for her to come visit (soon!).

Goodnight everyone :)

If I was any good at design and had the appropriate software, I would not have spent the past (nearly) hour searching for a new background... Do you like it? It's called "Madison Avenue". I thought it was classic and clean.

My Tennessee Boy

I began my blog when I left home for a few months to live in New York City, which, up until recently, is the only other state I have lived in out. But I have once again moved from Texas and I am now calling Tennessee home. This time, however, it's not for just a few months....this time it is indefinite. I may never return to Texas... I do not know what my future holds.

In the past two years, especially in 2009, I have become a sporadic blogger. Since I am once again far from home and my family is beginning to stretch across states, I have decided to pick it back up. More constant blogs from me, that's a promise.

There are only a few reasons why I haven't blogged in so many months, one is - my computer crashed last fall and the idea of blogging from work was not attractive (I now have a new computer, thanks to my awesome grandfather). Another reason also related to work - in October of last year I began to very actively seek new employment. I was not a fan of my boss, which made me eager to find a more "normal" position, and I desperately wanted to move to Nashville; both things made me only want to write about my desire to get out of Dallas and be in Nashville already. Around that time, I began "micro-blogging", which basically means I joined the world of Twitter, and I began to think that brief updates were enough.

So.. excuses, excuses... and I'm back.

My life has been crazy and full of new experiences since September. Here are the highlights...
October: I attended my first Alabama football game. That is an experience. It was great fun and the beat Tennessee :)
November: For the first time ever, I brought a "significant other" to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's house. It was great to show Blake my sort of hometown and introduce him to some of the family.
December: Hosted a Help-Portrait event. Spent my first Christmas with Blake's family, away from my own. There was not snow, but it was still a wonderful Tennessee Christmas.
January: Decided to move without a job and began to take steps towards that decision.
February: Quit my job, welcomed Kelli's new baby into the world, said "see you later" to my Dallas friends and my best friend, packed up my life and moved 700 miles away...

So here I am, in Tennessee, finally living in the same city as the love of my life :) Jobless, but moving in to an apartment at the end of the week. If you know anyone who is hiring in Nashville - let me know.

That's the catch up on my life as of late.. The condensed version for sure :)