Numbers of Frustration

I like numbers. I’m not always good at them, but they tend to control our lives to some point. Here are a few that are controlling mine… While I was working, I had been searching and applying for jobs here for eight months and I had wanted to quit my job for a total of 10 months. I haven’t actually worked in six weeks and I have been jobless (no pay) for five weeks (35 days). In that time of not working, I have applied for over 30 jobs. I have since acquired one consulting job (supposedly; they have no timeline as of yet), a part-time job that pays just above minimum wage, and zero full-time positions. These are the numbers that continue to haunt me every day as I search the internet for more position openings, meet with contacts, and mail out resumes.

I suppose I am finally feeling the effects of the economy. It’s frustrating. Baylor kind of teaches you that you will be invincible with a degree and your first job – land that and you’re good. Yes, my first salaried job took a few months to get as well, but as soon as the timing was right, I got it immediately. Now, I feel like the timing is right... What better time could there be? But God knows best. It’s the only mantra that keeps me sane.

I’m lucky, I know this. Most people get laid off, they don’t choose to quit their job and move to another state. I am the one who made that crazy decision :) Yep, me, and I am loving it. I love being near Blake and I love Tennessee. I’m lucky because I had money set aside and I was able to pay my first and second months’ rent and my bills. Ok, maybe I’m not lucky – I’m blessed. God has set provisions for me before my move and has watched over me, providing a great little apartment with affordable rent. So I am continuing to trust that he knows what my future holds; which is comforting, because I have absolutely no idea.

So I have accepted this part-time job to have some sort of income as I continue to apply and search for something full-time. That has taken a lot for me to come to. It feels like I am accepting defeat. I know it’s normal and necessary and all of that, but it’s a bit of a blow to move from a salary to hourly pay.
Then I calculate in the hourly pay, and the few hours I will be working, and I just about stop breathing. Surely God is aware of my situation… So what am I doing wrong? I’m supposed to be here, my apartment is perfect and the best price available… Now what? An evening part-time job… Possibly.
So there you have it. I’m stressed and frustrated. I was asked if I feel like I made a mistake in moving and to that I can say a definite no. No, I’m supposed to be here. I would have quit my job anyway and it was perfect timing to move.

Too bad it’s not summer already. At least then I could enjoy laying out by the pool in the middle of the day :)

To everyone who has been so encouraging and sent prayers up for me, thank you. Really, I honestly appreciate it. Some days I do get irritated with the constant “you’ll get a job soon, I know it”, only because I don’t always know it, but at the end of the day, I appreciate your encouragement and your belief in me.

And to all of my friends in the same situation, or with spouses in the same situation, I finally understand. I thought I did before, but now I really do. And I have learned to pray a little harder in this time, so you’re slightly more covered now :)