I might not be the golden one..

The grades are in, I passed, and on Saturday I graduate from college. Two days and I will officially be done with my undergraduate career. But of course I'm not done yet. No I still have memoir to write, a look back at my past four years at Baylor.

So far I've found that college is about learning responsibility, and as proven by me needing to write this, it is full of shunning that responsibility.

But let's recap.

Freshman year... I loved living in the dorms, really. There was always someone next door, down the hall, in the lobby, etc, to go to dinner with or catch a movie (I probably used my cell the least that year). Our entire hall in Kokernot, the K-knot Flamingoes, became close and most of us remain so today. There were also so many traditions to learn and experience. Much as the upperclassmen pretend to despise freshmen, we also know that without them we wouldn't keep most of our traditions alive. Honestly, we just hate that they are replacing us and there is no "back" button to be in their place again.

That year was also a lot about running away. I embraced freedom with a hungry desire to do whatever I pleased. I pushed the past to the farthest corner of my mind - and pushed a few people away, that's the part I regret.

But I don’t regret the friends I made. Two of my best-friends were made that year. During welcome week every minute is full of things to do, in a rushed attempt to acclimate and initiate freshman into college life. One of those things was a pep rally. I was half-interested and thoroughly bored once I arrived. Thankfully so was the girl next to me, Caroline. So we skipped out and walked back to the dorm together. Since that day, the girl has taught me more about myself than most of my friends. A few days later we had a hall dinner, which is where I met Shelly. Ha that girl has put up with more than anyone else. And through it all she has been a great friend.

Here's the funny thing about college friendships. Some people have strong best friends that they are inseparable from... but most change it up a bit...

Sophomore year I lived with two precious girls that helped strengthen me spiritually, and whether they know it or not, they helped me stop running. I think God intervened a bit too. Through circumstances, I was without a car and forced to rely on others and since I was the one always driving people to the frat parties, I was now hindered in going to them. But we had our own fun and our apartment, Tenneff, was known for its fun parties and hospitality. It came as a shock if a night passed and no one dropped in -- or there wasn't a thump on the wall from our neighbors telling us to come over. So new friendships were born and my ones from freshman year were pushed to the side some.

I also earned the nickname "button" along the way, I believe it was that fall... Anyway, that brings me to my other two best-friends: K and Tinks. They have been great. Through fights, laughter, ridiculous nights, boy drama and all - we're ending our college years together as the three musketeers.

It took me a year and a half to realize that all of the Cs, that I had actually tried to hard to get, were probably a good sign that business was not a good degree choice for me. So I switched to journalism, and dropped BIC - another source of Cs. Soon I was excelling and making the Dean's List. Sometimes it really does take just trying something to know what you will like and what you will be good at.

Junior year... In the fall I learned the difficulties of being an artist, and I learned I wasn't half bad. So studio art was officially my minor.

I also spent all of my time away from my house. It was a last minute choice and affordable, but I wasn't close to my roommates and it was so far from campus that I felt disconnected. So I took up temporary residents at the duplex where seven of my guy friends lived. Really, I was there during the day and only home at night. But I learned a lot from them... I learned what true Christian guys are like. They aren't perfect by any means, and at 20 and 21, they are still very immature :) I'm sure they'll love to hear that, but truly their love for Christ and their respect for me and other girls was always first and foremost.

That fall was also spent looking forward to the spring. From the first time I visited Baylor campus and learned of the Baylor in New York program, I was determined to go. My chance came Spring 2007. While it wasn't on Baylor campus, it was definitely my best Baylor experience - if I had to choose just one.

I learned that semester that sometimes independence can be lonely and frightening; you really need others to be there for you and with you. I also got a taste of the real-world through my internship with a public relations agency. Unfortunately, I mostly learned what I didn't want to do and what I do want to do became more vague. But our Baylor professor opened our eyes to the post-modern culture. The city opened me up to life outside of Baylor and family. The group as a whole was challenging. Most of us came away close friends, but while in NY there were fights, pettiness, and loads of gossip. I think we also balanced it with real conversations, random outings, fun nights and Grimaldi's pizza. Overall, we could have had a tame taping of the "Real-World" - like maybe a CW version or something.

Those three years led me to my Senior year.
Now everything has come full circle.

I moved into an apartment with my little sister and true best-friend. I also became best-friends with a girl I met freshman year, but it wasn't until this year that we really grew close. But it was this year that we needed our friendship. Amanda and I are probably two of the most different people on so many levels, but we have our similarities and grow from areas that we are different in.

On many levels senior year has begun to mirror freshman year... I have once again become a regular at Common Grounds. I have spent more time with my K-knot girls. I have partied a bit too much. I have dated more; experiencing good times and heartache. I have embraced more traditions. My house parties have brought together a very random assortment of four years of friendships - proven to the extreme by my final party as a Baylor undergrad.

In some ways this year started out relaxing and turned into a mad dash to the end. All along it has been very reflective... I have learned a lot in my four years - which is the longest time I have ever spent at one school.

I have learned to love and be loved. I can now say with confidence that I am an artist (I even had a piece chosen for the student art show) and I'm not a half-bad photographer. I learned that friendships come and go, but the ones that stick through the hard times really are the best. Marriage really isn't the main goal or the answer if you have no idea what to do with your life (some girls here still haven't learned that one). Everyone has insecurities and just wants to be listened to. Finding balance and doing nothing in excess; those are important life goals to live by. According to two of my roommates, success is made possible through two things: making a spreadsheet and networking. I think they have something there. Honestly I could not begin to name everything I have learned or just how Baylor has shaped who I have become, and how the experiences here will continue to shape me.

My darling sister once wrote something that I think is true to everyone as they embrace who they are:

"This is your life. Choose your backdrop; your characters who will shape what you will become, what you have become; the clothes you will be wearing when your breath is taken away; and the soundtrack that will play whenever, whatever.
Bring a smile to someone’s face. In fact, smile at those that hate you. They'll just be confused."

In the end the two most important things are these:
Love God.
Love people.