Friendships..

The Postal Service have the perfect calming effect when life overwhelms you and makes you sad.
I'm both right now - overwhelmed and sad.

I'm overwhelmed because, for whatever reason, one of my professors decided to give a test the Monday before Thanksgiving and another decided to have project presentations the Tuesday before. Sure, it will be helpful to get them out of the way, but I just want to go home to my parents and not study.. But I'll do those two things and a million other little things, I'll see friends and have turkey dinners with them.. and I'll go home after work on Tuesday.

So that's one thing.
I'm sad because it just hit me that I have officially lost another friend. I hate when that happens. And not because they've moved away or something, but we've just ceased to be friends. The worst part- I don't know why. So here's the deal. I've been friends with a girl since my freshman year here, we were never really close until she became my roommate last fall. At that point we were very close. From there I met her befriended her boyfriend, listened to wedding plans and was invited to the shindig following her engagement.. not to mention, I was there with her through the good and bad times of that semester. We dealt with tough situations in our house and we grew a lot together. But upon my return to school this semester she seemed distant. I just assumed we were both really busy and she was even more so, planning for a fall wedding and all. Then there was no contact and no wedding invitation. No big deal, she waits till last minute to do a lot of things... then there was the brush-off at church... ok, still not understanding... Well, she got married this weekend. I'm not offfended that I wasn't invited, it just hurts because now I know for sure, our friendship is over.

I'm not the best friend; I try to be, but I know I fail. I've had at least two close friendships end because I was too stubborn to see someone elses point of view; that is hard to admit, but it's true. I've had multiple friendships end because someone's moved away or lives have taken completely different directions, those I accept as just a passing of time and part of life. But I hate when something ends because I've been stubborn or selfish, or due to unknown circumstances.

So if you are my friend and I'm being a jerk, let me know and have patience - I'll do the same for you. I want friendships to last, especially the ones that make my heart smile.

For Thanksgiving - I give thanks to the wonderful tried and true friends that I have. I have definitely become a better friend, but I still have friends who were around when I was too selfish to be a great friend. Thanks for sticking by me and understanding me :)

Love God, Love People.

M

Wal-Mart Sells Drugs

I was going to add "kills children" but since that's not completely true.. I suppose I won't slander them too much. Anyway, I received the "Wal-mart wish guide" in the mail, though I don't have children.. and one of their "top 12" toys is aquadots.
It's right there, in big bold letters, the toy that is associated with a deadly date rape drug is sold and supported by Wal-mart. Shame on them. They kill off small businesses, they create a monopoly, they provide terrible customer service and then they start in on our children.

Love, Movies, Senior Year

It's nearly 2am, the latest I've stayed up in ages, and I'm sitting in my living room watching Sleepless in Seattle. Meg Ryan is my favorite actress, next to Audrey Hepburn. And I love the soundtracks for Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, they are just fabulous.

There's this one part in the movie when Rosie's character is talking to Meg Ryan's character and she says: "That's your problem. You don't want to be in love - you want to be in love in a movie."

That's so me. I adore the love stories in movies. I don't have it yet, but I'm holding out, one day I'll get my love story.... I wonder if I love NY in part for how romantic it is and seems to be. Hmm just a thought..

So anyways, I felt really old tonight.. Meagan, Amanda and I decided to go to an ATO party tonight after a dance party at CG. It was going to be a fun night of dancing - or so we thought. The CG party was fun. Really it was just all of the typical people, plus a handful of other kids, goofing off and dancing to fun music. But once we got to the ATO party, that was when I felt old.

I hadn't been to one all year and I thought it would be like old times, but it wasn't... I realized that most of my ATO friends have graduated. Most of the girls there were freshman and the guys were probably mostly sophomores and juniors. I was among the oldest people there. As sad as I am to graduate, I guess it really is time.. time to say goodbye and move on.. well, I guess by May I'll be ready to do that. These small moments in time are definitely preparing me for that time.

Well, the movie is over and I'm much to tired to write anymore.

Good night everyone. I hope you all get your love story too :)

Pretty Girl

So... I don't always feel pretty. Well, I'll probably feel pretty more often than I feel that other people view me as pretty. Let's just say that it's not an everyday occurrence for someone to tell me how great I look. I'm ok with that, I'm not conceited and I know there are plenty of gorgeous girls out there, especially here at Baylor... but here's the worst. When you are told you're pretty, only to be followed with the hint that you are a just pretty face, nothing else.

I'm an intelligent girl. I don't want to defend myself, but a conversation just left me feeling like I should. Here's how it started; I was hanging out with a bunch of friends last night that I've known for years. I was in a goofy mood and unusually flirty, which apparently wasn't the best since there were a few people there that don't know me as well. Through a conversation it came off that I'm always this way. The worst part- a close friend was a part of the conversation. Now I'm left wondering if anyone knows me at all. There are some friends that do... but the rest of you?

So here's how it goes - I am intelligent. I am pretty, but not conceited. I can be flirtatious, but I am reserved. I won't get into a deep debate with someone upon first encounter. I tend to keep political, religious, and similiar topics, to serious conversations in which I feel I will have freedom to express my opinions. It's not that I always want to be right or that I know a great deal about every subject, but I'm interested if you have a differing opinion or if you can inform me on something unknown to me. I'm not interested if you are just going to tell me I'm wrong and my opinions are stupid.

That's my rant for the day.
Your average pretty girl probably has a brain, but she isn't going to walk around spouting off how smart and pretty she is. We are the type that you have to get to know.

Earlier today I thought an evening to myself would be dreadfully boring. I need excitement in my life...

But I just found an amazing recipe for relaxation - a glass of wine, a piece of chocolate cake, and Harry Potter. My mother wouldn't approve of anything but the chocolate...

So with my sister and two best friends off at retreats, I'm left to my own defenses and muses. Here is one: my sister made a "soundtrack" to her life mix CD. While we were listening to it in the car her friend said she had the same soundtrack as Bri. Though my sister and I are very much alike, we do not have the same soundtrack. I love some of the songs on her CD, but I just can't get into some of them. But it's perfect. As I said, my sister and I are very much alike. But we don't agree on everything; we have our distinct diffferences and not only in our tastes in music.

I've almost decided what I will do after graduation. Almost. But for some reason I'm afraid of talking it through too much. Possibly because it's so much my heart's desire that I don't want to jinx it.

Now I'm tired and not in the mood of writing much more - let's just say, life is crazy as a senior.

Published

I have officially been published on Newswire and the Internet.

Check it out:

http://www.baylor.edu/business/news.php?action=story&story=46688

I want to hold your hand...

Last Sunday my pastor was talking about changes in the world and how “I want to hold your hand” used to be such a hit song, but now all of the popular songs are talking about things far from the holding hand stage… It’s sad to realize that he is right. I love Fergie’s new song and the part that say “yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too.” But then the music video shows them living together… wait… what? Why can’t love be simple anymore? Why can’t the "living together" come after marriage? Why is holding hands considered juvenile or not a big deal?

I have had two conversations as of late with different girls on this subject. In the first conversation one of my sister’s friends was saying that she saw holding hands as an intimate act. She said that, in her opinion, it is a big step in dating. Even if the couple had not yet defined themselves in a relationship, she definitely thought it was a step in that direction. I completely agreed with her and loved the fact that she referred to it as an act of intimacy, even though she was hesitant to do so. I feel like the word “intimate” is only used nowadays in association with something sexual, but really it was first meant to mean cozy, private and personal, closely connected – it was more about a relationship.

Today, while driving home, my friend and I were listening to the Fergie song and I made a remark about the line I like and we got into my second conversation on holding hands. She said that she viewed it as a sign to show everyone else that you are with this person, you might not be serious or dating just yet, but you’re willing to make a leap and say that the two of you are with each other. She also said that it shows the guy that you trust him.

These girls are amazing. They don’t view the first step as kissing or jumping into bed with each other. They aren’t looking for a guy to live with. They are the type of girls that define those of us who really are your nice Christian girl who still wants to hold a guys hand. We want to find intimacy by developing a close relationship that isn’t sexual. We want to go back to the way the world used to be. Back to the Beatles.. well.. maybe not the "yellow submarine" Beatles, but you know what I mean.

I know I have been flippant in the past about relationships, maybe even kissed a few too many boys, but as I grow older I am defining what I want in a relationship. I am taking to heart what each action symbolizes, what each word really means. My dear friend holds wisdom when she says that she doesn’t want another “I love you” until the guy is sure she is the one, until he is ready to propose. Why mess with a relationship that causes hurt or pain, or might lead to pregnancy, or causes God’s heart to break? Why not search for the real thing? Why not take baby steps in relationships and treasure the joy of those small things, looking at everything else as a blessing in marriage?

And guys… seriously… take note. Realize what you do affects us and we really will analyze everything because we believe actions speak louder than words.

So, I’m sticking by it. I will encourage my friends with their “ridiculously high standards” because I have seen the girls who have had those standards met. I have met the boys who have turned into wonderful men of God and faithful, loving husbands. I haven't found him yet, but I’ll wait until I can have one of my own; one who will first show me his affection through simply holding my hand.