I want to hold your hand...

Last Sunday my pastor was talking about changes in the world and how “I want to hold your hand” used to be such a hit song, but now all of the popular songs are talking about things far from the holding hand stage… It’s sad to realize that he is right. I love Fergie’s new song and the part that say “yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too.” But then the music video shows them living together… wait… what? Why can’t love be simple anymore? Why can’t the "living together" come after marriage? Why is holding hands considered juvenile or not a big deal?

I have had two conversations as of late with different girls on this subject. In the first conversation one of my sister’s friends was saying that she saw holding hands as an intimate act. She said that, in her opinion, it is a big step in dating. Even if the couple had not yet defined themselves in a relationship, she definitely thought it was a step in that direction. I completely agreed with her and loved the fact that she referred to it as an act of intimacy, even though she was hesitant to do so. I feel like the word “intimate” is only used nowadays in association with something sexual, but really it was first meant to mean cozy, private and personal, closely connected – it was more about a relationship.

Today, while driving home, my friend and I were listening to the Fergie song and I made a remark about the line I like and we got into my second conversation on holding hands. She said that she viewed it as a sign to show everyone else that you are with this person, you might not be serious or dating just yet, but you’re willing to make a leap and say that the two of you are with each other. She also said that it shows the guy that you trust him.

These girls are amazing. They don’t view the first step as kissing or jumping into bed with each other. They aren’t looking for a guy to live with. They are the type of girls that define those of us who really are your nice Christian girl who still wants to hold a guys hand. We want to find intimacy by developing a close relationship that isn’t sexual. We want to go back to the way the world used to be. Back to the Beatles.. well.. maybe not the "yellow submarine" Beatles, but you know what I mean.

I know I have been flippant in the past about relationships, maybe even kissed a few too many boys, but as I grow older I am defining what I want in a relationship. I am taking to heart what each action symbolizes, what each word really means. My dear friend holds wisdom when she says that she doesn’t want another “I love you” until the guy is sure she is the one, until he is ready to propose. Why mess with a relationship that causes hurt or pain, or might lead to pregnancy, or causes God’s heart to break? Why not search for the real thing? Why not take baby steps in relationships and treasure the joy of those small things, looking at everything else as a blessing in marriage?

And guys… seriously… take note. Realize what you do affects us and we really will analyze everything because we believe actions speak louder than words.

So, I’m sticking by it. I will encourage my friends with their “ridiculously high standards” because I have seen the girls who have had those standards met. I have met the boys who have turned into wonderful men of God and faithful, loving husbands. I haven't found him yet, but I’ll wait until I can have one of my own; one who will first show me his affection through simply holding my hand.