It's nearly 2 o'clock in the morning. I was going to write a blog about how lonely New York is, but I couldn't begin to describe it. I think there are some experiences and feelings that can't be explained through words. Suffice it to say, New York City is one of the loneliest places on earth.
My heart broke tonight. I was sitting in my room, watching TV with my roommate and two of our guy friends, but I wasn't to into the show so I started reading the New York magazine I just bought. I came across a story about Lucilia. A girl who was tossed around by CPS as a child, unloved by her parents, abused by the people who were supposed to protect her.. and by 13 she ended working as a prostitute, owned by a pimp. 13. Apparently, we have girls starting prostitution at the age of 12. In a country that prohibits prostitution of any kind, these pimps are owning girls and selling them. I guess it's not that I didn't imagine it could happen, I just didn't want to. I would like to think that our government protects against this. I would like to think that there are social workers who keep kids from falling through the cracks or from ending up under poor guardianship. I would like to think so much.. and hope for so much more.. I would like to think I could make a difference.. but I dont know how. All I can do is read there story and pass it along to you.
Read her story, maybe it will change your life. If it doesnt at least sadden you then you will know that you are as cold hearted as this world has made a million other people.
http://nymag.com/news/features/30018/
I just want to love this girl and all the other ones out there like her. To let her know that she was not meant to be abused, that it's not right. That God loves her and find her precious to him. Oh but I want to know why it happened I do. I want to do something. I live in this city and at times it disgusts me; right now is one of those times.
The money in this city is ridiculous, but the there is a great lack of it. I dont know how the people with the money could help the city. Maybe clean up the streets, or the subways. Yes, I've heard the story that the crime was lowered in the city because it was cleaned up to have the impression that crime didnt exist. Well, the city needs another cleaning. The streets aren't always that bad, but really - our subways are a disgrace. Something needs to change, to make the city into a better place. Whether it's make it "feel" better so that it will be better, or whether it's doubling the police squad. I dont know but it needs to change. Why is it that America thinks it's so great and yet we are lacking just as much, but usually more than other cities? We are one messed up nation.
The lack of love in the city is also ridiculous. There is this false sense of love that is sickening. There is also a general distrust in your fellow man that makes you easily irritable and generally unpleasant.
I feel like I'm just trashing the city, but tonight it has broken my heart. The city and I have a love/hate relationship.. tonight my feelings are on the hate side. I hate it because it allows things to happen to girls like Lucilia and it does very little to protect them, though it tries to punish them. But maybe I should just hate the world, because it happens in places other than NY.
For now I'll just be disgusted with the culture of today.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Monday, April 2, 2007
Slightly incoherent ramblings..
As soon as I found out I was moving to the City I immediately decided to set up a blog to keep track of my activities and keep in touch with family and friends. Oddly enough, I already had two blogs.. first xanga, which I gave up for myspace, which I gave up for this.. I was thinking about this as I read my sister's blog on myspace, because I realized that the xanga was a simple recollection of my days events, while myspace was turning into a deeper spiritual reflection area, but I'm not sure what I'm doing here. The blogosphere is an interesting place. Myspace has protections so I can keep all prying eyes out; here I could have the same, but I invite all to my page. But because everyone can view my page, it makes me hesitant to talk about my beliefs. Why? Probably because most of my ponderings are on my failures at being a Christian, not at how great of a Christian I am. But can anyone be a "great Christian" since that means they are "exceptionally Christ-like"? Probably not.
So.. I give in, here are my ponderings.
Currently, I am 1600 miles from home and yet I am still affected by the actions of some of my friends, none of which have actually been directed towards me. How odd is that? I've never imagined that my poor attitude or behavior would affect people far away. I know it's plausible, but it's just not something I consider, and I'm sure it's nothing they have considered. But here's the hardest part - there's nothing I can do. I wanted to call them out on being poor examples of Christ, but I dont think I have been the best example myself in awhile. I feel like if I tell them they've dissapointed me, then I'll be judging them.. but they have dissapointed me. I may not be the perfect person and I dont expect perfection from them, but I do expect more because I know they are kind, loving people. Anyway, that's a situation I've been praying for all semester.. I sometimes just wish you could force people to be kind, intelligent and considerate ;) But then, where would free will be?
Next weekend is Easter, for all of you who haven't been to church, that is a good Sunday to go.. and I'll be joining you. Yes, the pastor's kid, who grew up in church and who has grown to love church, has only been to church three times in the past three months. I have plenty of excuses, trust me. Like yesterday- my roommate and I wanted to go running and then we were joining the crew for a double birthday celebration. The night before we had stayed up late, so the thought of getting up, running, going to church, then going to lunch was a bit much - worst of all was trying to find somewhere to go. The only recommended churches have been those that are so large it's like going to a free concert -- you may get in, you may get a seat, or you may not. And that's wonderful, churches should be packed to capacity, everyone should be eager to learn more about God. But is that why they are packed, or is it just another tourist attraction? Just thinking about it tires me out. I did find one place, but it's in the middle of the afternoon, which sounds marvelous and would be in Waco.. but by then I'm either in the midst of homework or somewhere in Manhattan, too far from this distant Brooklyn church. So I'm giving up. Sad, I know. I hope to find a church this Sunday that I can go to before heading over to Tavern, but it will probably be just another attraction. We shall see.
In just a few weeks, I'll be back home. I'll go to church every Sunday and everything I need will just be a ten minute drive, at the most, away from me. No more 30 minute subway rides, no more smelly stations, or deranged homeless people. And.. then again.. no more New York.
I can think of a million reasons as to why I'm ready to be back with my family and friends, but when I think hard about it, I can also think of about as many reasons why I would stay in the city. I thought I would come here, get the longing to live in NY out of my system, move back home, finish school and then move on to wherever and whatever. Well.. there's not solution to this strange pull between two very different lives. But that is why I titled this "ramblings."
So.. I give in, here are my ponderings.
Currently, I am 1600 miles from home and yet I am still affected by the actions of some of my friends, none of which have actually been directed towards me. How odd is that? I've never imagined that my poor attitude or behavior would affect people far away. I know it's plausible, but it's just not something I consider, and I'm sure it's nothing they have considered. But here's the hardest part - there's nothing I can do. I wanted to call them out on being poor examples of Christ, but I dont think I have been the best example myself in awhile. I feel like if I tell them they've dissapointed me, then I'll be judging them.. but they have dissapointed me. I may not be the perfect person and I dont expect perfection from them, but I do expect more because I know they are kind, loving people. Anyway, that's a situation I've been praying for all semester.. I sometimes just wish you could force people to be kind, intelligent and considerate ;) But then, where would free will be?
Next weekend is Easter, for all of you who haven't been to church, that is a good Sunday to go.. and I'll be joining you. Yes, the pastor's kid, who grew up in church and who has grown to love church, has only been to church three times in the past three months. I have plenty of excuses, trust me. Like yesterday- my roommate and I wanted to go running and then we were joining the crew for a double birthday celebration. The night before we had stayed up late, so the thought of getting up, running, going to church, then going to lunch was a bit much - worst of all was trying to find somewhere to go. The only recommended churches have been those that are so large it's like going to a free concert -- you may get in, you may get a seat, or you may not. And that's wonderful, churches should be packed to capacity, everyone should be eager to learn more about God. But is that why they are packed, or is it just another tourist attraction? Just thinking about it tires me out. I did find one place, but it's in the middle of the afternoon, which sounds marvelous and would be in Waco.. but by then I'm either in the midst of homework or somewhere in Manhattan, too far from this distant Brooklyn church. So I'm giving up. Sad, I know. I hope to find a church this Sunday that I can go to before heading over to Tavern, but it will probably be just another attraction. We shall see.
In just a few weeks, I'll be back home. I'll go to church every Sunday and everything I need will just be a ten minute drive, at the most, away from me. No more 30 minute subway rides, no more smelly stations, or deranged homeless people. And.. then again.. no more New York.
I can think of a million reasons as to why I'm ready to be back with my family and friends, but when I think hard about it, I can also think of about as many reasons why I would stay in the city. I thought I would come here, get the longing to live in NY out of my system, move back home, finish school and then move on to wherever and whatever. Well.. there's not solution to this strange pull between two very different lives. But that is why I titled this "ramblings."
Monday, March 26, 2007
Dr Pepper
I love the fact that Dr Pepper is readily available here; not necessarily in all of the restaurants, but nearly everywhere. I try not to drink it too often, it's really not good for me.. but tonight is a night of indulgence :) After eating chicken lo mein from Sea Asian, I'm having my DP with a small chocolate bar from Jacques Torres, while watching movies with my roomie. It's really a great end to a great weekend, and hopefully a good kick-off to the week.
On Saturday, after the chocolate shop, a few of us girls went into Manhattan to try to get tickets to Phantom. They didnt have standing room at that point, so we stepped over to Les Miserables. There we secured the last three standing room tickets for myself, Nat, and Erika. Our original intent was to get student tickets to Les Miz, and that might have been a better idea in the long run, but other than standing for three hours and not being able to see the very top of the set (the slanted balcony roof above us sucked), I still thoroughly enjoyed the musical.
Before attending the play, we headed to Little Italy with Ruth for some dinner at Le Mela. The food was wonderful and it led into the great experience at Les Miz. The singing was phenomenal, the props were spectacular.. and two of the actors extremely good looking ;) Afterwards, Erika bought a poster and I bought mug and still we payed less than the people sitting in the back of the orchestra who had the same view as us. Once we made our purchases, we moved outside to get some pics. Soon the cast started filing out and I was able to get all of the main characters (who came out) to sign Erika's poster. The woman who played Fantine was the singing voice for Princess Jasmine and Mulan in the Disney movie, she was pretty great! We also got a photo with Marius (one of the good-looking guys).
Sunday was lazy until the early evening. Then Erika and I got dressed up to go to the Edward Scissorhands ballet with Stephen at BAM. It was a little corny, but we all enjoyed it nonetheless. Afterwards we walked down to Veliis for a nice dinner, at which time Hunter met up with us. It was a fun night.
On Saturday, after the chocolate shop, a few of us girls went into Manhattan to try to get tickets to Phantom. They didnt have standing room at that point, so we stepped over to Les Miserables. There we secured the last three standing room tickets for myself, Nat, and Erika. Our original intent was to get student tickets to Les Miz, and that might have been a better idea in the long run, but other than standing for three hours and not being able to see the very top of the set (the slanted balcony roof above us sucked), I still thoroughly enjoyed the musical.
Before attending the play, we headed to Little Italy with Ruth for some dinner at Le Mela. The food was wonderful and it led into the great experience at Les Miz. The singing was phenomenal, the props were spectacular.. and two of the actors extremely good looking ;) Afterwards, Erika bought a poster and I bought mug and still we payed less than the people sitting in the back of the orchestra who had the same view as us. Once we made our purchases, we moved outside to get some pics. Soon the cast started filing out and I was able to get all of the main characters (who came out) to sign Erika's poster. The woman who played Fantine was the singing voice for Princess Jasmine and Mulan in the Disney movie, she was pretty great! We also got a photo with Marius (one of the good-looking guys).
Sunday was lazy until the early evening. Then Erika and I got dressed up to go to the Edward Scissorhands ballet with Stephen at BAM. It was a little corny, but we all enjoyed it nonetheless. Afterwards we walked down to Veliis for a nice dinner, at which time Hunter met up with us. It was a fun night.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Chocolate
It's Saturday :) Finally! I'm really ready to be done with work.. I like it for sure, but I just want summer to be here I suppose (more on that later). So far today we have gone to Jacques Torres' shop in Brooklyn, which is actually only a few blocks away.http://jacquestorres.com/dumboLocation.aspx
It was a great little (emphasis on little) shop, filled with chocolate delights. Erika and I did agree and that some were a bit odd, and not very creative-- like chocolate covered cheerios or corn flakes? Gross. The chocolate covered peeps did look interesting though; the whole store was decked out for Easter and the peeps were part of that display. Perhaps when it's not Easter it's more similiar to the shop in "Chocolat" but that is doubtful because his hot chocolate was far from life-changing, instead it nearly made me sick. It was literally hot chocolate; I believe they melted rich milk chocolate, put a bit of milk in it and steamed it. It was just too much.
Anyway, we're off to more adventures...
It was a great little (emphasis on little) shop, filled with chocolate delights. Erika and I did agree and that some were a bit odd, and not very creative-- like chocolate covered cheerios or corn flakes? Gross. The chocolate covered peeps did look interesting though; the whole store was decked out for Easter and the peeps were part of that display. Perhaps when it's not Easter it's more similiar to the shop in "Chocolat" but that is doubtful because his hot chocolate was far from life-changing, instead it nearly made me sick. It was literally hot chocolate; I believe they melted rich milk chocolate, put a bit of milk in it and steamed it. It was just too much.
Anyway, we're off to more adventures...
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Cupcakes..mmm.. yum
The day before my sister came in town I attended a Relient K concert here in New York. It was amazing! I was going to write about, but I wrote a review of it instead. So you can read that: http://www.baylor.edu/lariat/news.php?action=story&story=44707
I also saw Chicago the following weekend. However, that was dissapointing. Roxie was old and there wasnt such much dancing. The second half was better and we got to sit in the balcony, though we bought standing room tickets. Overall it was the best or the worst, and we watched the movie tonight to make up for it.
Ok that's all that I have :)
I love cupcakes.
I also saw Chicago the following weekend. However, that was dissapointing. Roxie was old and there wasnt such much dancing. The second half was better and we got to sit in the balcony, though we bought standing room tickets. Overall it was the best or the worst, and we watched the movie tonight to make up for it.
Ok that's all that I have :)
I love cupcakes.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sister and time
It's been a long time since I've blogged. My life has been crazy lately and I think New York is starting to weigh on me. My hair is darker, my mood less Southern :) And I'm actually getting homesick. I think it happens when you leave a place and you know it's not for good, but it feels like it is. If I was going to leave home for good, then I would be prepared for it, but I'm not finished with school and I miss my family. I can't help but think, just one more month. But the other half of me hates thinking that. I hated when my roommate was counting down the days until we would go home, granted she was doing it from day one, but still. I'm here, this is an amazing experience. Seriously. Thankfully, I have quite a few plans and much more to see before I leave. I'll be busy over the next few weeks, but in the end at least I'll be happy to be home and not dissapointed.
So my sister visited for her spring break. It wasn't my spring break, mainly because we dont really get one, but I took a few days off anyway. She got here on a Saturday and I rode the subway to JFK to meet her. I dont think I was able to stop talking for awhile becuase I was so excited. I'm afraid I wore her out while she was here though.. That night we had my favorite pizza, Grimaldis, followed by ice cream and then we walked along the river. Sunday was the Central Park Zoo-which is very small but still good. They have red pandas, which are the cutest things, though they are more similar to foxes I think. Then Sunday afternoon we explored the Park, rode the carousel, picked up my camera (that is finally fixed!!) and visited the National History Museum. The evening plans were dinner at Sea Asian and the Upright Citizens Brigade comedy show.. Are you getting tired just hearing all that we did in two days?? I can't believe I actually drug her all over the city in that amount of time.
Other than that, over the next few days we had lunch in Chinatown and went shopping in Union Square--where we saw Stacy and Clinton from "What not to Wear"!! We visited Times Square, went to the Met, went shopping on 5th Ave, had lunch at Prime Burger, watched Scrubs, went to FAO Schwartz, visited the Sony Wonder Tech, went to the Disney store, saw Midtown, and had hot dogs at the corner stand. I think that's the gist of it. Then Thursday morning I rode with her for a bit on the subway as she headed back to JFK, then I turned around and headed into Manhattan and to work. It was sad to see her go. We had some great weather while she was here, the best so far, but the next day -Friday-we had a winter storm. She barely missed seeing the snow in central park. And when it's back to being warm we'll have even more to do.
Here is one wonderful thing I have learned here - there is always something to do. I have spent to much time sitting at home, wanting to go out but not knowing what to do. That's just crazy when we live in an age of the wonderful Internet. It holds all the event calendars to anything worth attending. From now on, even if I have to drive to Dallas or Austin, I'll make sure I have entertaining weekends and not let life pass me by as I sit and veg. Not that I wont do a fair share of that as well, I guess I'm just learning how to better make use of opportunities. Hopefully that makes sense.
My old roommate from last year came to visit during spring break too, but I only got to see her the first day she was here. Whenever she wasn't out, I was and vice versa, but I hope she enjoyed New York. There were tons of people here for spring break, actually, and quite a few who were stuck here when the storm hit. But as far as I heard, they all made it home safely.
Ok I'm going to try to update, tomorrow and be more consistent. Things have just been crazy. Miss you all.
Love you and good night :)
So my sister visited for her spring break. It wasn't my spring break, mainly because we dont really get one, but I took a few days off anyway. She got here on a Saturday and I rode the subway to JFK to meet her. I dont think I was able to stop talking for awhile becuase I was so excited. I'm afraid I wore her out while she was here though.. That night we had my favorite pizza, Grimaldis, followed by ice cream and then we walked along the river. Sunday was the Central Park Zoo-which is very small but still good. They have red pandas, which are the cutest things, though they are more similar to foxes I think. Then Sunday afternoon we explored the Park, rode the carousel, picked up my camera (that is finally fixed!!) and visited the National History Museum. The evening plans were dinner at Sea Asian and the Upright Citizens Brigade comedy show.. Are you getting tired just hearing all that we did in two days?? I can't believe I actually drug her all over the city in that amount of time.
Other than that, over the next few days we had lunch in Chinatown and went shopping in Union Square--where we saw Stacy and Clinton from "What not to Wear"!! We visited Times Square, went to the Met, went shopping on 5th Ave, had lunch at Prime Burger, watched Scrubs, went to FAO Schwartz, visited the Sony Wonder Tech, went to the Disney store, saw Midtown, and had hot dogs at the corner stand. I think that's the gist of it. Then Thursday morning I rode with her for a bit on the subway as she headed back to JFK, then I turned around and headed into Manhattan and to work. It was sad to see her go. We had some great weather while she was here, the best so far, but the next day -Friday-we had a winter storm. She barely missed seeing the snow in central park. And when it's back to being warm we'll have even more to do.
Here is one wonderful thing I have learned here - there is always something to do. I have spent to much time sitting at home, wanting to go out but not knowing what to do. That's just crazy when we live in an age of the wonderful Internet. It holds all the event calendars to anything worth attending. From now on, even if I have to drive to Dallas or Austin, I'll make sure I have entertaining weekends and not let life pass me by as I sit and veg. Not that I wont do a fair share of that as well, I guess I'm just learning how to better make use of opportunities. Hopefully that makes sense.
My old roommate from last year came to visit during spring break too, but I only got to see her the first day she was here. Whenever she wasn't out, I was and vice versa, but I hope she enjoyed New York. There were tons of people here for spring break, actually, and quite a few who were stuck here when the storm hit. But as far as I heard, they all made it home safely.
Ok I'm going to try to update, tomorrow and be more consistent. Things have just been crazy. Miss you all.
Love you and good night :)
Sunday, March 4, 2007
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