I began my blog when I left home for a few months to live in New York City, which, up until recently, is the only other state I have lived in out. But I have once again moved from Texas and I am now calling Tennessee home. This time, however, it's not for just a few months....this time it is indefinite. I may never return to Texas... I do not know what my future holds.
In the past two years, especially in 2009, I have become a sporadic blogger. Since I am once again far from home and my family is beginning to stretch across states, I have decided to pick it back up. More constant blogs from me, that's a promise.
There are only a few reasons why I haven't blogged in so many months, one is - my computer crashed last fall and the idea of blogging from work was not attractive (I now have a new computer, thanks to my awesome grandfather). Another reason also related to work - in October of last year I began to very actively seek new employment. I was not a fan of my boss, which made me eager to find a more "normal" position, and I desperately wanted to move to Nashville; both things made me only want to write about my desire to get out of Dallas and be in Nashville already. Around that time, I began "micro-blogging", which basically means I joined the world of Twitter, and I began to think that brief updates were enough.
So.. excuses, excuses... and I'm back.
My life has been crazy and full of new experiences since September. Here are the highlights...
October: I attended my first Alabama football game. That is an experience. It was great fun and the beat Tennessee :)
November: For the first time ever, I brought a "significant other" to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's house. It was great to show Blake my sort of hometown and introduce him to some of the family.
December: Hosted a Help-Portrait event. Spent my first Christmas with Blake's family, away from my own. There was not snow, but it was still a wonderful Tennessee Christmas.
January: Decided to move without a job and began to take steps towards that decision.
February: Quit my job, welcomed Kelli's new baby into the world, said "see you later" to my Dallas friends and my best friend, packed up my life and moved 700 miles away...
So here I am, in Tennessee, finally living in the same city as the love of my life :) Jobless, but moving in to an apartment at the end of the week. If you know anyone who is hiring in Nashville - let me know.
That's the catch up on my life as of late.. The condensed version for sure :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, September 25, 2009
My two loves chose me
One of my dear friends has blessed my life with her beautiful music. So much so, that one of her songs touches on my relationship with the two loves of my life: God and Blake. (Denise, please forgive me if I have mistaken any of your lyrics!)
My relationship with God was shaky at best through college. My freshman year was a time of rebellion. Surprisingly, I got myself into very little trouble and by sophomore year I had decided to change my life and lived a very strong Christian life that year. I was encouraged by my roommates and attended church regularly. Junior year started off ok..but I was back to my old antics by the time I moved to New York City. In all of this time, I moved between running to God to fulfill my life and running to what was supposed to be the "normal, fun, crazy college life." I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and what my parents always told me not to do.
Senior year was up and down... By the summer after graduation, I was through. I gave in to the partying and dating multiple guys as I decided to have one last hurrah before I entered the real world, because I deserved it. Or so I thought. I may have gone to church once or twice that summer, but throughout I was sure that it was better to be alone. I had made too many mistakes.. I had been called a hypocrite one too many times and I was done. I had been burned by people. Wasn't that sufficient? Could I not live as I chose? But he brought me to my knees...
By the end of summer I was desperate. I had chosen my summer antics, but from there, would I choose to continue them and move to San Antonio where the party-life would be 24/7? Or should I move to Dallas and pray for yet another change? Dallas was the best answer. And just a few days in to my move, I was struck with a bad ear infection and a rare strain of strep throat. I was bedridden for over a week and began to understand God's call to, "Be still and know that I am God." During that time he continued to bless me. I didn't have any damaging aftereffects from my illness and I was offered a well-paid job.
Continuously, God has shown how he has chosen me. My relationship with Christ is far from perfect. It is a daily failing on my part, but even today He reminded me of His perfect love... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine...[He will be with me and protect me]...Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you." (Isaiah 23: 1-4).
He will never leave me, nor forsake me. His perfect love is always wrapped around me, even when I try to ignore it. I may never learn to love Him as He loves me, but this song reminds me to continue trying, because no matter how far I run - He will always be waiting for me. Listen to her other songs, they are fitting too... "I could try to move away, but I know I just can't escape, cause you haunt me with your love, it's the one thing I just can't get enough of" (Middle of the Lake).
---
Blake. He's been through a lot with me in the past five months. Not long after our relationship began, I tried to destroy it. Truly I did. All that I can say is that I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think was, I'm in love with this guy that I hardly know and he's going to hurt me. There was nothing of substance to my thoughts. He was nothing but kind to me and possesses an attribute of great loyalty.
But I had "a trail of broken hearts left in my wake"; I was skilled at ending relationships before they ever really began. In the past, most of the endings came about because I knew that he (whoever he was) wasn't the one, but this time was different - this time I wondered if he (Blake) was the one. That scared me more than anything. I began to think that if he knew my mistakes, if he found out, that would be the end to it. So I started telling him, first with past relationships. I threw one mistake after another into his face. It was like I was saying the first two lines to him "you better get to runnin', trust me, you shouldn't stay."
Thankfully, I have a wise friend who finally told me, as I was contemplating what else to tell him, to let the past remain in the past for now. I ended my week of attacks and came to realize that what had been my greatest "fear" was really my greatest joy. Blake is "the one." And the best part of all, he's accepting of my past because he has chosen me. All I have to do to bring a smile to my face is to think of his love for me.
But once again, our relationship is not perfect, but "for all the times I've offended, [he] never leaves." It's amazing. But my love for him is just as strong. He's the perfect fit to what my heart has desired. And together we can grow in Christ, who has not only chosen us each as individuals, but He has chosen us for each other. We are so greatly blessed!
--
So Denise's song may break my heart as it reminds me of how foolish I have been, but it is really just a softening as it reminds me how greatly I am loved.
--
Love God,
Love people.
And remember - he has chosen you as well.
I Chose You
-Denise Hearn
You better get to runnin’
Trust me, you shouldn’t stay
A trail of broken hearts left in my wake
Legendary for my mistakes
But you say “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
I packed up my heart and hit the road
Telling lies, pretending I like to be alone
Tried to run away, you came after me
With a look in your eyes, brought me to my knees
And you said, “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
Try to tell you, leave while you can,
Don’t waste your time on me
For all the times I’ve offended, you never leave, you never leave
“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
My relationship with God was shaky at best through college. My freshman year was a time of rebellion. Surprisingly, I got myself into very little trouble and by sophomore year I had decided to change my life and lived a very strong Christian life that year. I was encouraged by my roommates and attended church regularly. Junior year started off ok..but I was back to my old antics by the time I moved to New York City. In all of this time, I moved between running to God to fulfill my life and running to what was supposed to be the "normal, fun, crazy college life." I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and what my parents always told me not to do.
Senior year was up and down... By the summer after graduation, I was through. I gave in to the partying and dating multiple guys as I decided to have one last hurrah before I entered the real world, because I deserved it. Or so I thought. I may have gone to church once or twice that summer, but throughout I was sure that it was better to be alone. I had made too many mistakes.. I had been called a hypocrite one too many times and I was done. I had been burned by people. Wasn't that sufficient? Could I not live as I chose? But he brought me to my knees...
By the end of summer I was desperate. I had chosen my summer antics, but from there, would I choose to continue them and move to San Antonio where the party-life would be 24/7? Or should I move to Dallas and pray for yet another change? Dallas was the best answer. And just a few days in to my move, I was struck with a bad ear infection and a rare strain of strep throat. I was bedridden for over a week and began to understand God's call to, "Be still and know that I am God." During that time he continued to bless me. I didn't have any damaging aftereffects from my illness and I was offered a well-paid job.
Continuously, God has shown how he has chosen me. My relationship with Christ is far from perfect. It is a daily failing on my part, but even today He reminded me of His perfect love... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine...[He will be with me and protect me]...Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you." (Isaiah 23: 1-4).
He will never leave me, nor forsake me. His perfect love is always wrapped around me, even when I try to ignore it. I may never learn to love Him as He loves me, but this song reminds me to continue trying, because no matter how far I run - He will always be waiting for me. Listen to her other songs, they are fitting too... "I could try to move away, but I know I just can't escape, cause you haunt me with your love, it's the one thing I just can't get enough of" (Middle of the Lake).
---
Blake. He's been through a lot with me in the past five months. Not long after our relationship began, I tried to destroy it. Truly I did. All that I can say is that I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think was, I'm in love with this guy that I hardly know and he's going to hurt me. There was nothing of substance to my thoughts. He was nothing but kind to me and possesses an attribute of great loyalty.
But I had "a trail of broken hearts left in my wake"; I was skilled at ending relationships before they ever really began. In the past, most of the endings came about because I knew that he (whoever he was) wasn't the one, but this time was different - this time I wondered if he (Blake) was the one. That scared me more than anything. I began to think that if he knew my mistakes, if he found out, that would be the end to it. So I started telling him, first with past relationships. I threw one mistake after another into his face. It was like I was saying the first two lines to him "you better get to runnin', trust me, you shouldn't stay."
Thankfully, I have a wise friend who finally told me, as I was contemplating what else to tell him, to let the past remain in the past for now. I ended my week of attacks and came to realize that what had been my greatest "fear" was really my greatest joy. Blake is "the one." And the best part of all, he's accepting of my past because he has chosen me. All I have to do to bring a smile to my face is to think of his love for me.
But once again, our relationship is not perfect, but "for all the times I've offended, [he] never leaves." It's amazing. But my love for him is just as strong. He's the perfect fit to what my heart has desired. And together we can grow in Christ, who has not only chosen us each as individuals, but He has chosen us for each other. We are so greatly blessed!
--
So Denise's song may break my heart as it reminds me of how foolish I have been, but it is really just a softening as it reminds me how greatly I am loved.
--
Love God,
Love people.
And remember - he has chosen you as well.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Moving Forward... and... How do you worship?
My life has been crazy... And while I have wanted to blog, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to say what all that I want to say. At the same time, I have decided to shut down my myspace account. I don't use it, so why have all of that information out there? I do think the site is great to find new musicians, but I can do that without being a member... So, as I prepare to shut down, I thought I would share a few blogs that I wrote once upon a time. I may take time to post new stuff in between, but I plan to be more consistent in posting over the next few weeks.
A handful of you have read these, but most have not. They have been hidden from public eyes for quite some time.
Here is the first installment...
posted October 20, 2006:
A week ago I met a woman, who came into the bookstore where I work, and I talked to her for a bit. She told my co-worker and I about her sister and brother-in-law. She said that whenever she dates someone new, her brother-in-law will ask, "Does he know about you?" In this, he was referring to her style of worship; an aspect that intrigues her brother-in-law and leads him to believe that whoever she dates must accept her style of worship. Is the lady crazy? No, she's is just a very open worshipper, not your traditional stand in one place, act solemn, type of worshipper.
The Sunday before this encounter, my Waco pastor preached on worship and the different types that exist. It was such an interesting sermon, I must recant it before I reach my point. If you are an Antiocher, I hope you enjoy this, even if you've heard it already!
Praise and Worship:
Praise. Defined as "active, demonstrative."
Psalm 71:8 – "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all the day long."
Psalm 34:1-3 – "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."
Jimmy said that what we talk about excitedly is what we praise. We began to praise God. It was amazing.
2 Samuel 6:16-23 talks about how David danced before the Lord. He was active, demonstrating his love for God and yet his wife, Michal, despised him. In the end, it was David who was blessed and Michal who was cursed (she had no children).
Worship. Defined as bowing low.
Jimmy defined it as laying out in humility before God, standing in awe of Him. It allows us to draw near and be intimate. It must be experience to be fully understood. It is a holy love. It must be focused, an undistracted devotion.
Forms of Praise and Worship:
Clap.
Psalm 47:1 – "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy."
Shout.
Revelations 5:11-13 – "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:
'Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!'
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever.' "
Proclaim – Sing.
1 Chronicles 16:23 – "Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day."
Dance.
Psalm 149: 3 – "Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp."
Stand in awe.
Psalm 33:8 – "Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him."
Kneel, bow.
Psalm 95: 6 – "Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker…"
Be Still.
Psalm 46:10 – " 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "
Meditate, repent, bow.
So what did I do during this time? Between each form that was defined, it was then expressed. I praised, I sang, I danced, I was still.
I sometimes wonder if the people I love and the friends that are closest to my heart "know me." Like the woman at the bookstore- do those who know my style of worship wonder as her brother-in-law did. Do you know how I worship? Shouldn't you? It is such an integral part of my life, but unless you attend church with me or unless you have shared a quiet time with me.. I don't think you could fully understand the depth of my worship. It can be private, it can be vocal, it can be portrayed in my everyday life.
Lately, in my daily life, I feel like God is calling me to "be still." I am constantly busy and consumed with other things, but he tugs at my heart just to sit and say hi to him. To take out time to devote to him in the midst of everything, to just breathe.
When I am at church or listening to some great worship music.. I want to dance. Whether it's twirling around my room or dancing at church. Do you know that I love to dance at church? That Sunday was amazing. Bri and Amy B and I ran to the front and danced. The freedom I felt is what I grew up with. I've always seen this form of worship as normal, excepted, encouraged. If you don't agree with it, I won't say your wrong, but I just don't understand you. Oh the joy of dancing before my God :)
So here is another part of me. It is a small view into my life of worship. I don't want you to think that Jimmy taught me how to worship, he is a great pastor, but this is what I've grown up doing. He simply took what I do and put the terms and verses all into one sermon. He combined the entirety of my worship, into a simple sermon, one that I wished to share with you. It is simple but there it is.
-----------------------------
There is the post.
It's funny sometimes the forgotten past can make you question your present. I forgot about that day of dancing with Bri and Amy, and I don't remember the last time I danced in church.. I've always heard that God is creative in how he speaks to you. Tonight... well tonight he used my own words to speak to me. To call me back into His heart of worship. Whether by dancing, or clapping, or singing, worship is somewhat absent in my life.
So here is my question. How do you worship? Or do you? And when you are worshipping, is it God you praise, or the world?
A handful of you have read these, but most have not. They have been hidden from public eyes for quite some time.
Here is the first installment...
posted October 20, 2006:
A week ago I met a woman, who came into the bookstore where I work, and I talked to her for a bit. She told my co-worker and I about her sister and brother-in-law. She said that whenever she dates someone new, her brother-in-law will ask, "Does he know about you?" In this, he was referring to her style of worship; an aspect that intrigues her brother-in-law and leads him to believe that whoever she dates must accept her style of worship. Is the lady crazy? No, she's is just a very open worshipper, not your traditional stand in one place, act solemn, type of worshipper.
The Sunday before this encounter, my Waco pastor preached on worship and the different types that exist. It was such an interesting sermon, I must recant it before I reach my point. If you are an Antiocher, I hope you enjoy this, even if you've heard it already!
Praise and Worship:
Praise. Defined as "active, demonstrative."
Psalm 71:8 – "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all the day long."
Psalm 34:1-3 – "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."
Jimmy said that what we talk about excitedly is what we praise. We began to praise God. It was amazing.
2 Samuel 6:16-23 talks about how David danced before the Lord. He was active, demonstrating his love for God and yet his wife, Michal, despised him. In the end, it was David who was blessed and Michal who was cursed (she had no children).
Worship. Defined as bowing low.
Jimmy defined it as laying out in humility before God, standing in awe of Him. It allows us to draw near and be intimate. It must be experience to be fully understood. It is a holy love. It must be focused, an undistracted devotion.
Forms of Praise and Worship:
Clap.
Psalm 47:1 – "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy."
Shout.
Revelations 5:11-13 – "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:
'Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!'
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever.' "
Proclaim – Sing.
1 Chronicles 16:23 – "Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day."
Dance.
Psalm 149: 3 – "Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp."
Stand in awe.
Psalm 33:8 – "Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him."
Kneel, bow.
Psalm 95: 6 – "Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker…"
Be Still.
Psalm 46:10 – " 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "
Meditate, repent, bow.
So what did I do during this time? Between each form that was defined, it was then expressed. I praised, I sang, I danced, I was still.
I sometimes wonder if the people I love and the friends that are closest to my heart "know me." Like the woman at the bookstore- do those who know my style of worship wonder as her brother-in-law did. Do you know how I worship? Shouldn't you? It is such an integral part of my life, but unless you attend church with me or unless you have shared a quiet time with me.. I don't think you could fully understand the depth of my worship. It can be private, it can be vocal, it can be portrayed in my everyday life.
Lately, in my daily life, I feel like God is calling me to "be still." I am constantly busy and consumed with other things, but he tugs at my heart just to sit and say hi to him. To take out time to devote to him in the midst of everything, to just breathe.
When I am at church or listening to some great worship music.. I want to dance. Whether it's twirling around my room or dancing at church. Do you know that I love to dance at church? That Sunday was amazing. Bri and Amy B and I ran to the front and danced. The freedom I felt is what I grew up with. I've always seen this form of worship as normal, excepted, encouraged. If you don't agree with it, I won't say your wrong, but I just don't understand you. Oh the joy of dancing before my God :)
So here is another part of me. It is a small view into my life of worship. I don't want you to think that Jimmy taught me how to worship, he is a great pastor, but this is what I've grown up doing. He simply took what I do and put the terms and verses all into one sermon. He combined the entirety of my worship, into a simple sermon, one that I wished to share with you. It is simple but there it is.
-----------------------------
There is the post.
It's funny sometimes the forgotten past can make you question your present. I forgot about that day of dancing with Bri and Amy, and I don't remember the last time I danced in church.. I've always heard that God is creative in how he speaks to you. Tonight... well tonight he used my own words to speak to me. To call me back into His heart of worship. Whether by dancing, or clapping, or singing, worship is somewhat absent in my life.
So here is my question. How do you worship? Or do you? And when you are worshipping, is it God you praise, or the world?
Saturday, August 1, 2009
We go together, like a wink and a smile ;)
Do you ever miss the anticipation of signing online? The waiting as AOL dialed up and the little man ran across the screen, till he met up with his friends.. The final connection and those sweet words... "you've got mail"... just before the ding of an IM from a friend who has seen your name and is anxious to talk to you. Quite honestly, I had the entire..song?.. no, it wasn't a song :) but the sound of the dial up, memorized and I knew just when it was finally connecting.
Isn't it funny to think that the simple act of signing online will be completely foreign to our kids? I know I'm only 23, but these ideas are intriguing to me. By the time my kids are my age, they probably won't even call it the Internet anymore, it will have evolved into something new and different. Or at least they will be connected at every moment of the day. We're already moving into a world of Web 3.0, what's next? That idea is intriguing to me as well. What will our world truly evolve in to?
If you know me at all, you know my slight obsession with "You've Got Mail." I've decided to indulge myself tonight, which explains my thought process. Every time I watch it, I remember something new that I love about it. Criticize if you want, but the lines are clever and the story line is simple but sweet. It's one of the few movies that makes me want things like a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Blake definitely proved how amazing he is the other day with a simple text.. after saying that I was close to crying, he responded with "don't cry shopgirl." It's just the simple thoughts, gestures and such that I love. Or my sister, buying me "Ballet Shoes" for Christmas. She's awesome. Last thing - this movie has one of the best soundtracks. Just so you know :)
Well, I'm a bit tired and in need of finishing a few things before I head off to bed. I hope you are all doing lovely and if you are in need of something to cheer you up, check out the movie. If nothing else, the shots of NYC are fantastic.
Love God.
Love people.
Isn't it funny to think that the simple act of signing online will be completely foreign to our kids? I know I'm only 23, but these ideas are intriguing to me. By the time my kids are my age, they probably won't even call it the Internet anymore, it will have evolved into something new and different. Or at least they will be connected at every moment of the day. We're already moving into a world of Web 3.0, what's next? That idea is intriguing to me as well. What will our world truly evolve in to?
If you know me at all, you know my slight obsession with "You've Got Mail." I've decided to indulge myself tonight, which explains my thought process. Every time I watch it, I remember something new that I love about it. Criticize if you want, but the lines are clever and the story line is simple but sweet. It's one of the few movies that makes me want things like a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Blake definitely proved how amazing he is the other day with a simple text.. after saying that I was close to crying, he responded with "don't cry shopgirl." It's just the simple thoughts, gestures and such that I love. Or my sister, buying me "Ballet Shoes" for Christmas. She's awesome. Last thing - this movie has one of the best soundtracks. Just so you know :)
Well, I'm a bit tired and in need of finishing a few things before I head off to bed. I hope you are all doing lovely and if you are in need of something to cheer you up, check out the movie. If nothing else, the shots of NYC are fantastic.
Love God.
Love people.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I realized tonight that there is a hearbreak that I may never get over. Not in this world anyway.
I haven't been to Wichita Falls since March. I keep telling myself that I'll go next month, I'm too busy now or I have to work, or it's too far to drive alone, or I don't have the extra cash for gas..But none of that is true. Here's the truth- I can't bare the thought of going to my grandparents house and my granfather not being there. I love my grandmother, I do.. But I want to see my grandfather sitting on the front porch, or in his chair in the formal living room, or watching tv in the den. I want to wake up to the smells of breakfast and coffee brewing, with him talking to my grandmother and reading the paper. Saying things like "oh Patsy.." I want him to tell me to check my oil before I leave. I want to introduce him to Blake. I want to take him to the French Riviera. I want him to play with my kids one day.
He was the only constant grandfather I had. He loved all of us so much. But my heart breaks when I think of the last day I saw him...He had been sick but was finally home and on the road to recovery. My family was leaving his house, saying our goodbyes and I was rushing my dad out the door. "C'mon let's go, he's fine. No need to worry about wills and such." He just wanted to make sure my grandmother would be taken care of and I wanted to go home. It breaks my heart to think about it. It's not something I will let go of very easily.
So I haven't been back. But I know I need to. I'm missing out on seeing my baby cousin grow up. And I haven't been there for my grandmother, but I dont know how to be. I couldn't even read my sisters blog about him until tonight.. and I cried. I'm still crying. She's right, death does suck.
I haven't been to Wichita Falls since March. I keep telling myself that I'll go next month, I'm too busy now or I have to work, or it's too far to drive alone, or I don't have the extra cash for gas..But none of that is true. Here's the truth- I can't bare the thought of going to my grandparents house and my granfather not being there. I love my grandmother, I do.. But I want to see my grandfather sitting on the front porch, or in his chair in the formal living room, or watching tv in the den. I want to wake up to the smells of breakfast and coffee brewing, with him talking to my grandmother and reading the paper. Saying things like "oh Patsy.." I want him to tell me to check my oil before I leave. I want to introduce him to Blake. I want to take him to the French Riviera. I want him to play with my kids one day.
He was the only constant grandfather I had. He loved all of us so much. But my heart breaks when I think of the last day I saw him...He had been sick but was finally home and on the road to recovery. My family was leaving his house, saying our goodbyes and I was rushing my dad out the door. "C'mon let's go, he's fine. No need to worry about wills and such." He just wanted to make sure my grandmother would be taken care of and I wanted to go home. It breaks my heart to think about it. It's not something I will let go of very easily.
So I haven't been back. But I know I need to. I'm missing out on seeing my baby cousin grow up. And I haven't been there for my grandmother, but I dont know how to be. I couldn't even read my sisters blog about him until tonight.. and I cried. I'm still crying. She's right, death does suck.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Hello Again...
It's been too long.
So much has changed... and this summer has flown by. Where should I begin to describe the last four months?
Let's begin with the main reason as to why I haven't blogged... Last September, my trusty laptop died on me. And since I have major issues with understanding how to save money (I'm getting better) I have yet to purchase a replacement. So I was using my roommates computer... until my sweet cat decided to knock my water bottle on to her keyboard, putting it out of commission for an extended period. Without going in to much more detail, I am not in the best position to spend money on a laptop at the moment and so, God in all of his graciousness, blessed me with an awesome grandfather who has bestowed his laptop upon me for an indefinite length of time. So I am blessed and I am back to writing. Hello Again :)
While a laptop is certainly a blessing, this summer has been full of even greater blessings..
With my last post I was deciding on what adventures to take this summer, I was planning trips to see friends but the days ahead of me were empty pages with just a few weddings written in. The first wedding was days following that post: April 18. On that day my sweet friend Allie married her love, Boots, and I met my love, Blake.The pages were no longer blank, they were beginning to fill rapidly.
That's right my friends; my love story has been written this summer and it has been both sweet and amazing.
Boots and Allie concocted this idea of introducing Blake and I at their wedding some months before their day arrived. I believe Blake heard more about me than I heard about him during this time, but probably because he was Boots' roommate and I was off in Dallas. To be honest, I didn't event remember what Blake's name was, just that he was a groomsman and Boots' best-friend. I'll leave our actual meeting for a face-to-face story, but I will say that by the time I got back to my hotel from the reception, I knew I had met someone special. I texted him right away to thank him for a fun evening and hoped that this would not be the last time that I would see him. It wasn't :)
My trip to Nashville came unexpectedly, but it did happen. About two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, I found out that my parents, my little sister and my grandmother were taking a trip to Nashville and I begged a spot in the car. I must say that a drive like that, in a car with four other people, is not fun.. but it was completely worth it. I fell in love with Blake that weekend. I stayed with Boots and Allie and spent five marvelous days with Blake. Since then he has flown in to see me, though after our upcoming vacation, I will be flying up there for my birthday. It's a give and take. It is hard being so far apart, but every night I have phone date waiting for me and a supportive boyfriend to listen to me, or entertain me :) I really and truly am blessed.
I know this isn't all poetry and prose, or perhaps the best writing you've read from me, but basically -- I'm back. And maybe I should have picked an evening to return when my thoughts weren't slightly clouded by benadryl, but then again, who cares :) Ok, I really should call it a night..
I've missed you, I hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.
Love God,
Love people.
So much has changed... and this summer has flown by. Where should I begin to describe the last four months?
Let's begin with the main reason as to why I haven't blogged... Last September, my trusty laptop died on me. And since I have major issues with understanding how to save money (I'm getting better) I have yet to purchase a replacement. So I was using my roommates computer... until my sweet cat decided to knock my water bottle on to her keyboard, putting it out of commission for an extended period. Without going in to much more detail, I am not in the best position to spend money on a laptop at the moment and so, God in all of his graciousness, blessed me with an awesome grandfather who has bestowed his laptop upon me for an indefinite length of time. So I am blessed and I am back to writing. Hello Again :)
While a laptop is certainly a blessing, this summer has been full of even greater blessings..
With my last post I was deciding on what adventures to take this summer, I was planning trips to see friends but the days ahead of me were empty pages with just a few weddings written in. The first wedding was days following that post: April 18. On that day my sweet friend Allie married her love, Boots, and I met my love, Blake.The pages were no longer blank, they were beginning to fill rapidly.
That's right my friends; my love story has been written this summer and it has been both sweet and amazing.
Boots and Allie concocted this idea of introducing Blake and I at their wedding some months before their day arrived. I believe Blake heard more about me than I heard about him during this time, but probably because he was Boots' roommate and I was off in Dallas. To be honest, I didn't event remember what Blake's name was, just that he was a groomsman and Boots' best-friend. I'll leave our actual meeting for a face-to-face story, but I will say that by the time I got back to my hotel from the reception, I knew I had met someone special. I texted him right away to thank him for a fun evening and hoped that this would not be the last time that I would see him. It wasn't :)
My trip to Nashville came unexpectedly, but it did happen. About two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, I found out that my parents, my little sister and my grandmother were taking a trip to Nashville and I begged a spot in the car. I must say that a drive like that, in a car with four other people, is not fun.. but it was completely worth it. I fell in love with Blake that weekend. I stayed with Boots and Allie and spent five marvelous days with Blake. Since then he has flown in to see me, though after our upcoming vacation, I will be flying up there for my birthday. It's a give and take. It is hard being so far apart, but every night I have phone date waiting for me and a supportive boyfriend to listen to me, or entertain me :) I really and truly am blessed.
I know this isn't all poetry and prose, or perhaps the best writing you've read from me, but basically -- I'm back. And maybe I should have picked an evening to return when my thoughts weren't slightly clouded by benadryl, but then again, who cares :) Ok, I really should call it a night..
I've missed you, I hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.
Love God,
Love people.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Unicorns are magical.
I feel loved.
It's a great feeling. Being in love may be better, but just being loved...it sustains you. it sustains me.
I'm enjoying an evening alone.. Watching the last show of Life on Mars, eating ice cream, listening to amazing artists like The Weepies, and dreaming. Dreaming of place far, far away.
Like Scotland and LA,
Indiana ;)
and the Greek Isles.
While reminiscing over places like NY,
England and Waco.
Where shall I go this summer, back to NY? Possibly.. nothing is certain.
Maybe Nashville... Maybe I'll become a wanderer and circumvent the world.
How can one person kill your joy and serenity? That I don't understand..
Goodnight all.
Love God
Love people.
It's a great feeling. Being in love may be better, but just being loved...it sustains you. it sustains me.
I'm enjoying an evening alone.. Watching the last show of Life on Mars, eating ice cream, listening to amazing artists like The Weepies, and dreaming. Dreaming of place far, far away.
Like Scotland and LA,
Indiana ;)
and the Greek Isles.
While reminiscing over places like NY,
England and Waco.
Where shall I go this summer, back to NY? Possibly.. nothing is certain.
Maybe Nashville... Maybe I'll become a wanderer and circumvent the world.
How can one person kill your joy and serenity? That I don't understand..
Goodnight all.
Love God
Love people.
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