Moving Forward... and... How do you worship?

My life has been crazy... And while I have wanted to blog, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to say what all that I want to say. At the same time, I have decided to shut down my myspace account. I don't use it, so why have all of that information out there? I do think the site is great to find new musicians, but I can do that without being a member... So, as I prepare to shut down, I thought I would share a few blogs that I wrote once upon a time. I may take time to post new stuff in between, but I plan to be more consistent in posting over the next few weeks.

A handful of you have read these, but most have not. They have been hidden from public eyes for quite some time.
Here is the first installment...

posted October 20, 2006:

A week ago I met a woman, who came into the bookstore where I work, and I talked to her for a bit. She told my co-worker and I about her sister and brother-in-law. She said that whenever she dates someone new, her brother-in-law will ask, "Does he know about you?" In this, he was referring to her style of worship; an aspect that intrigues her brother-in-law and leads him to believe that whoever she dates must accept her style of worship. Is the lady crazy? No, she's is just a very open worshipper, not your traditional stand in one place, act solemn, type of worshipper.

The Sunday before this encounter, my Waco pastor preached on worship and the different types that exist. It was such an interesting sermon, I must recant it before I reach my point. If you are an Antiocher, I hope you enjoy this, even if you've heard it already!

Praise and Worship:

Praise. Defined as "active, demonstrative."

Psalm 71:8 – "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all the day long."

Psalm 34:1-3 – "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."

Jimmy said that what we talk about excitedly is what we praise. We began to praise God. It was amazing.

2 Samuel 6:16-23 talks about how David danced before the Lord. He was active, demonstrating his love for God and yet his wife, Michal, despised him. In the end, it was David who was blessed and Michal who was cursed (she had no children).

Worship. Defined as bowing low.
Jimmy defined it as laying out in humility before God, standing in awe of Him. It allows us to draw near and be intimate. It must be experience to be fully understood. It is a holy love. It must be focused, an undistracted devotion.

Forms of Praise and Worship:

Clap.

Psalm 47:1 – "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy."

Shout.

Revelations 5:11-13 – "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:

'Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!'

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:

'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever.' "

Proclaim – Sing.

1 Chronicles 16:23 – "Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day."

Dance.

Psalm 149: 3 – "Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp."

Stand in awe.

Psalm 33:8 – "Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him."

Kneel, bow.

Psalm 95: 6 – "Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker…"

Be Still.

Psalm 46:10 – " 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "

Meditate, repent, bow.

So what did I do during this time? Between each form that was defined, it was then expressed. I praised, I sang, I danced, I was still.


I sometimes wonder if the people I love and the friends that are closest to my heart "know me." Like the woman at the bookstore- do those who know my style of worship wonder as her brother-in-law did. Do you know how I worship? Shouldn't you? It is such an integral part of my life, but unless you attend church with me or unless you have shared a quiet time with me.. I don't think you could fully understand the depth of my worship. It can be private, it can be vocal, it can be portrayed in my everyday life.

Lately, in my daily life, I feel like God is calling me to "be still." I am constantly busy and consumed with other things, but he tugs at my heart just to sit and say hi to him. To take out time to devote to him in the midst of everything, to just breathe.

When I am at church or listening to some great worship music.. I want to dance. Whether it's twirling around my room or dancing at church. Do you know that I love to dance at church? That Sunday was amazing. Bri and Amy B and I ran to the front and danced. The freedom I felt is what I grew up with. I've always seen this form of worship as normal, excepted, encouraged. If you don't agree with it, I won't say your wrong, but I just don't understand you. Oh the joy of dancing before my God :)

So here is another part of me. It is a small view into my life of worship. I don't want you to think that Jimmy taught me how to worship, he is a great pastor, but this is what I've grown up doing. He simply took what I do and put the terms and verses all into one sermon. He combined the entirety of my worship, into a simple sermon, one that I wished to share with you. It is simple but there it is.

-----------------------------

There is the post.
It's funny sometimes the forgotten past can make you question your present. I forgot about that day of dancing with Bri and Amy, and I don't remember the last time I danced in church.. I've always heard that God is creative in how he speaks to you. Tonight... well tonight he used my own words to speak to me. To call me back into His heart of worship. Whether by dancing, or clapping, or singing, worship is somewhat absent in my life.

So here is my question. How do you worship? Or do you? And when you are worshipping, is it God you praise, or the world?

We go together, like a wink and a smile ;)

Do you ever miss the anticipation of signing online? The waiting as AOL dialed up and the little man ran across the screen, till he met up with his friends.. The final connection and those sweet words... "you've got mail"... just before the ding of an IM from a friend who has seen your name and is anxious to talk to you. Quite honestly, I had the entire..song?.. no, it wasn't a song :) but the sound of the dial up, memorized and I knew just when it was finally connecting.

Isn't it funny to think that the simple act of signing online will be completely foreign to our kids? I know I'm only 23, but these ideas are intriguing to me. By the time my kids are my age, they probably won't even call it the Internet anymore, it will have evolved into something new and different. Or at least they will be connected at every moment of the day. We're already moving into a world of Web 3.0, what's next? That idea is intriguing to me as well. What will our world truly evolve in to?

If you know me at all, you know my slight obsession with "You've Got Mail." I've decided to indulge myself tonight, which explains my thought process. Every time I watch it, I remember something new that I love about it. Criticize if you want, but the lines are clever and the story line is simple but sweet. It's one of the few movies that makes me want things like a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Blake definitely proved how amazing he is the other day with a simple text.. after saying that I was close to crying, he responded with "don't cry shopgirl." It's just the simple thoughts, gestures and such that I love. Or my sister, buying me "Ballet Shoes" for Christmas. She's awesome. Last thing - this movie has one of the best soundtracks. Just so you know :)

Well, I'm a bit tired and in need of finishing a few things before I head off to bed. I hope you are all doing lovely and if you are in need of something to cheer you up, check out the movie. If nothing else, the shots of NYC are fantastic.

Love God.
Love people.

I realized tonight that there is a hearbreak that I may never get over. Not in this world anyway.

I haven't been to Wichita Falls since March. I keep telling myself that I'll go next month, I'm too busy now or I have to work, or it's too far to drive alone, or I don't have the extra cash for gas..But none of that is true. Here's the truth- I can't bare the thought of going to my grandparents house and my granfather not being there. I love my grandmother, I do.. But I want to see my grandfather sitting on the front porch, or in his chair in the formal living room, or watching tv in the den. I want to wake up to the smells of breakfast and coffee brewing, with him talking to my grandmother and reading the paper. Saying things like "oh Patsy.." I want him to tell me to check my oil before I leave. I want to introduce him to Blake. I want to take him to the French Riviera. I want him to play with my kids one day.

He was the only constant grandfather I had. He loved all of us so much. But my heart breaks when I think of the last day I saw him...He had been sick but was finally home and on the road to recovery. My family was leaving his house, saying our goodbyes and I was rushing my dad out the door. "C'mon let's go, he's fine. No need to worry about wills and such." He just wanted to make sure my grandmother would be taken care of and I wanted to go home. It breaks my heart to think about it. It's not something I will let go of very easily.

So I haven't been back. But I know I need to. I'm missing out on seeing my baby cousin grow up. And I haven't been there for my grandmother, but I dont know how to be. I couldn't even read my sisters blog about him until tonight.. and I cried. I'm still crying. She's right, death does suck.

Hello Again...

It's been too long.
So much has changed... and this summer has flown by. Where should I begin to describe the last four months?

Let's begin with the main reason as to why I haven't blogged... Last September, my trusty laptop died on me. And since I have major issues with understanding how to save money (I'm getting better) I have yet to purchase a replacement. So I was using my roommates computer... until my sweet cat decided to knock my water bottle on to her keyboard, putting it out of commission for an extended period. Without going in to much more detail, I am not in the best position to spend money on a laptop at the moment and so, God in all of his graciousness, blessed me with an awesome grandfather who has bestowed his laptop upon me for an indefinite length of time. So I am blessed and I am back to writing. Hello Again :)

While a laptop is certainly a blessing, this summer has been full of even greater blessings..

With my last post I was deciding on what adventures to take this summer, I was planning trips to see friends but the days ahead of me were empty pages with just a few weddings written in. The first wedding was days following that post: April 18. On that day my sweet friend Allie married her love, Boots, and I met my love, Blake.The pages were no longer blank, they were beginning to fill rapidly.
That's right my friends; my love story has been written this summer and it has been both sweet and amazing.

Boots and Allie concocted this idea of introducing Blake and I at their wedding some months before their day arrived. I believe Blake heard more about me than I heard about him during this time, but probably because he was Boots' roommate and I was off in Dallas. To be honest, I didn't event remember what Blake's name was, just that he was a groomsman and Boots' best-friend. I'll leave our actual meeting for a face-to-face story, but I will say that by the time I got back to my hotel from the reception, I knew I had met someone special. I texted him right away to thank him for a fun evening and hoped that this would not be the last time that I would see him. It wasn't :)

My trip to Nashville came unexpectedly, but it did happen. About two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, I found out that my parents, my little sister and my grandmother were taking a trip to Nashville and I begged a spot in the car. I must say that a drive like that, in a car with four other people, is not fun.. but it was completely worth it. I fell in love with Blake that weekend. I stayed with Boots and Allie and spent five marvelous days with Blake. Since then he has flown in to see me, though after our upcoming vacation, I will be flying up there for my birthday. It's a give and take. It is hard being so far apart, but every night I have phone date waiting for me and a supportive boyfriend to listen to me, or entertain me :) I really and truly am blessed.

I know this isn't all poetry and prose, or perhaps the best writing you've read from me, but basically -- I'm back. And maybe I should have picked an evening to return when my thoughts weren't slightly clouded by benadryl, but then again, who cares :) Ok, I really should call it a night..

I've missed you, I hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.

Love God,
Love people.

Unicorns are magical.

I feel loved.
It's a great feeling. Being in love may be better, but just being loved...it sustains you. it sustains me.

I'm enjoying an evening alone.. Watching the last show of Life on Mars, eating ice cream, listening to amazing artists like The Weepies, and dreaming. Dreaming of place far, far away.
Like Scotland and LA,
Indiana ;)
and the Greek Isles.
While reminiscing over places like NY,
England and Waco.
Where shall I go this summer, back to NY? Possibly.. nothing is certain.
Maybe Nashville... Maybe I'll become a wanderer and circumvent the world.

How can one person kill your joy and serenity? That I don't understand..

Goodnight all.

Love God
Love people.

Saying goodbye...

This week I am saying goodbye to two amazing men and it is leaving me heartbroken.

Last Friday my great-grandfather died at age 95. His funeral was Monday- it was the beginning of bittersweet reunions. I met cousins I had never met before and I mourned one of the greatest veterinarians ever. But he went to be with our sweet Granny Granny, a ballerina full of grace and beauty, and I know they are happy.

Being with the family early this week was memorable. It was my mother's grandfather from her adoptive father's side (trust me when I say my family is more confusing than that). Her dad is awesome. He is the one whom I have posted about previously, who builds the rockets, gets into a bunch of trouble and meets me for lunch once a week. His best-friend was at the house where we all met up with each other and John had a few stories to tell on my Granpa Dan. Such as the time that John was arrested and thrown in to a Mexican jail (he took full blame when they were caught smuggling stuff into Mexico) and my granpa left him there because college classes were starting back up. He stayed there for two months. But that was only one of many stories that John told on Granpa and Granpa told on John, even before my aunts and uncles joined in with their own stories.

I love stories. But maybe some are better told than written, or at least written on a blog :)

After the funeral, on Monday, we drove back to Dallas. Wednesday morning, as I was getting ready for work, my dad called with the news - his dad, my loving grandfather, had died. Just over a month ago he had congestive heart failure and was in the hospital and then rehab for 41 days, I believe. Last Friday he was able to go home and we had stayed with him and my grandmother. He seemed ok... He was ok... But when he first went in the hospital he had three heartattacks and died for two minutes, before being brought back -- he told us that he was running down the streets of gold. I'm sure he's doing that now. Rejoicing and having fun :) But I miss him, we all do.

In May, my grandparents would have celebrated their 53rd anniversary and they've lived in the same house for over 40 years. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I just don't know how my grandmother will handle losing her other half.

Lot's of people came for the funeral, which was today. Guys that had worked with Pappaw at Southwestern Bell and some who worked for him when he owned the Ember Shop and D&D Tractor. His brothers and sister, my grandmother's family, my cousins and more - family poured in. Once again, there were cousins I had never met before - his brother's kids - and it was yet another impromptu family reunion. I love my family and meeting extended family, but not under these circumstances.

A few memories: Every Christmas each of the grandkids and kids gets a stocking with a lottery scratch-off from Pappaw.. In junior high both him and Grandy came to every game I cheered at.. He was the first to give me a hard time, and always greeted me with a hello and "you datin' anyone yet?"

I miss him..

So there's a belief that everything happens in threes -- the third death this week was my car. The lil sis was driving it from Waco to Dallas when a car dropped a box of pipes, which landed in front of my car... Yeah it's in the shop and not working, but after a hefty bill, it should be fixed and in good condition again.

Now my prayer is that my heart will begin to heal, my grandmother will be ok and smile again, and the family will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Hope your week is good.

Love God,
Love people.
and take time to tell your family that you love them.

change..

I wish I was skilled at html. I'm not a fan of the page layouts, the few that exist, but I was in need of a change...so here is what we are left with. If I knew more html I would just recreate my entire background - back to the basics with a few personal color touches.

I thought I was in a blogging mood, but I guess that has passed and now Heroes is on. This season is pretty wicked.

By the way, my grandfather is doing better. I mean, anything could happen, but he is out of CICU and in a regular room. He's breathing on his own and has been sitting up most of the day. Just... continue to keep him in your prayers.

You'll hear from me soon.

Love God.
Love people.