I feel loved.
It's a great feeling. Being in love may be better, but just being loved...it sustains you. it sustains me.
I'm enjoying an evening alone.. Watching the last show of Life on Mars, eating ice cream, listening to amazing artists like The Weepies, and dreaming. Dreaming of place far, far away.
Like Scotland and LA,
Indiana ;)
and the Greek Isles.
While reminiscing over places like NY,
England and Waco.
Where shall I go this summer, back to NY? Possibly.. nothing is certain.
Maybe Nashville... Maybe I'll become a wanderer and circumvent the world.
How can one person kill your joy and serenity? That I don't understand..
Goodnight all.
Love God
Love people.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Saying goodbye...
This week I am saying goodbye to two amazing men and it is leaving me heartbroken.
Last Friday my great-grandfather died at age 95. His funeral was Monday- it was the beginning of bittersweet reunions. I met cousins I had never met before and I mourned one of the greatest veterinarians ever. But he went to be with our sweet Granny Granny, a ballerina full of grace and beauty, and I know they are happy.
Being with the family early this week was memorable. It was my mother's grandfather from her adoptive father's side (trust me when I say my family is more confusing than that). Her dad is awesome. He is the one whom I have posted about previously, who builds the rockets, gets into a bunch of trouble and meets me for lunch once a week. His best-friend was at the house where we all met up with each other and John had a few stories to tell on my Granpa Dan. Such as the time that John was arrested and thrown in to a Mexican jail (he took full blame when they were caught smuggling stuff into Mexico) and my granpa left him there because college classes were starting back up. He stayed there for two months. But that was only one of many stories that John told on Granpa and Granpa told on John, even before my aunts and uncles joined in with their own stories.
I love stories. But maybe some are better told than written, or at least written on a blog :)
After the funeral, on Monday, we drove back to Dallas. Wednesday morning, as I was getting ready for work, my dad called with the news - his dad, my loving grandfather, had died. Just over a month ago he had congestive heart failure and was in the hospital and then rehab for 41 days, I believe. Last Friday he was able to go home and we had stayed with him and my grandmother. He seemed ok... He was ok... But when he first went in the hospital he had three heartattacks and died for two minutes, before being brought back -- he told us that he was running down the streets of gold. I'm sure he's doing that now. Rejoicing and having fun :) But I miss him, we all do.
In May, my grandparents would have celebrated their 53rd anniversary and they've lived in the same house for over 40 years. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I just don't know how my grandmother will handle losing her other half.
Lot's of people came for the funeral, which was today. Guys that had worked with Pappaw at Southwestern Bell and some who worked for him when he owned the Ember Shop and D&D Tractor. His brothers and sister, my grandmother's family, my cousins and more - family poured in. Once again, there were cousins I had never met before - his brother's kids - and it was yet another impromptu family reunion. I love my family and meeting extended family, but not under these circumstances.
A few memories: Every Christmas each of the grandkids and kids gets a stocking with a lottery scratch-off from Pappaw.. In junior high both him and Grandy came to every game I cheered at.. He was the first to give me a hard time, and always greeted me with a hello and "you datin' anyone yet?"
I miss him..
So there's a belief that everything happens in threes -- the third death this week was my car. The lil sis was driving it from Waco to Dallas when a car dropped a box of pipes, which landed in front of my car... Yeah it's in the shop and not working, but after a hefty bill, it should be fixed and in good condition again.
Now my prayer is that my heart will begin to heal, my grandmother will be ok and smile again, and the family will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...
Hope your week is good.
Love God,
Love people.
and take time to tell your family that you love them.
Last Friday my great-grandfather died at age 95. His funeral was Monday- it was the beginning of bittersweet reunions. I met cousins I had never met before and I mourned one of the greatest veterinarians ever. But he went to be with our sweet Granny Granny, a ballerina full of grace and beauty, and I know they are happy.
Being with the family early this week was memorable. It was my mother's grandfather from her adoptive father's side (trust me when I say my family is more confusing than that). Her dad is awesome. He is the one whom I have posted about previously, who builds the rockets, gets into a bunch of trouble and meets me for lunch once a week. His best-friend was at the house where we all met up with each other and John had a few stories to tell on my Granpa Dan. Such as the time that John was arrested and thrown in to a Mexican jail (he took full blame when they were caught smuggling stuff into Mexico) and my granpa left him there because college classes were starting back up. He stayed there for two months. But that was only one of many stories that John told on Granpa and Granpa told on John, even before my aunts and uncles joined in with their own stories.
I love stories. But maybe some are better told than written, or at least written on a blog :)
After the funeral, on Monday, we drove back to Dallas. Wednesday morning, as I was getting ready for work, my dad called with the news - his dad, my loving grandfather, had died. Just over a month ago he had congestive heart failure and was in the hospital and then rehab for 41 days, I believe. Last Friday he was able to go home and we had stayed with him and my grandmother. He seemed ok... He was ok... But when he first went in the hospital he had three heartattacks and died for two minutes, before being brought back -- he told us that he was running down the streets of gold. I'm sure he's doing that now. Rejoicing and having fun :) But I miss him, we all do.
In May, my grandparents would have celebrated their 53rd anniversary and they've lived in the same house for over 40 years. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I just don't know how my grandmother will handle losing her other half.
Lot's of people came for the funeral, which was today. Guys that had worked with Pappaw at Southwestern Bell and some who worked for him when he owned the Ember Shop and D&D Tractor. His brothers and sister, my grandmother's family, my cousins and more - family poured in. Once again, there were cousins I had never met before - his brother's kids - and it was yet another impromptu family reunion. I love my family and meeting extended family, but not under these circumstances.
A few memories: Every Christmas each of the grandkids and kids gets a stocking with a lottery scratch-off from Pappaw.. In junior high both him and Grandy came to every game I cheered at.. He was the first to give me a hard time, and always greeted me with a hello and "you datin' anyone yet?"
I miss him..
So there's a belief that everything happens in threes -- the third death this week was my car. The lil sis was driving it from Waco to Dallas when a car dropped a box of pipes, which landed in front of my car... Yeah it's in the shop and not working, but after a hefty bill, it should be fixed and in good condition again.
Now my prayer is that my heart will begin to heal, my grandmother will be ok and smile again, and the family will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...
Hope your week is good.
Love God,
Love people.
and take time to tell your family that you love them.
Monday, February 9, 2009
change..
I wish I was skilled at html. I'm not a fan of the page layouts, the few that exist, but I was in need of a change...so here is what we are left with. If I knew more html I would just recreate my entire background - back to the basics with a few personal color touches.
I thought I was in a blogging mood, but I guess that has passed and now Heroes is on. This season is pretty wicked.
By the way, my grandfather is doing better. I mean, anything could happen, but he is out of CICU and in a regular room. He's breathing on his own and has been sitting up most of the day. Just... continue to keep him in your prayers.
You'll hear from me soon.
Love God.
Love people.
I thought I was in a blogging mood, but I guess that has passed and now Heroes is on. This season is pretty wicked.
By the way, my grandfather is doing better. I mean, anything could happen, but he is out of CICU and in a regular room. He's breathing on his own and has been sitting up most of the day. Just... continue to keep him in your prayers.
You'll hear from me soon.
Love God.
Love people.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Phish Food
It's freezing outside and yet.. It's most definitely an ice cream night.
We left the Falls on Tuesday morning after my grandfather was determined critically stable. We wanted to beat the ice storm so that I could get back to work and Bri could get back to school, but my dad stayed for a few extra days.
My grandfather was taken off the ventilator/breathing machine today and everything was looking up. He was talking and four hours later, they had to put him back on the machine. Without it, they said it would put too much pressure on his heart and he wouldn't make it. He wasn't happy and my grandmother is just torn up. She had stopped crying when I called, but she sounds different. Tuesday morning I found out she was there when he flatlined. She said it was the hardest thing to watch. My dad is doing better but he said he has a bad feeling...
There's nothing more to write for now... He's alive, that I can praise God for, and I can pray for His will above ours. A prayer I'm also sending up for a friend's husband who has lost his job. This economy sucks. I know everyone knows that, but it had to be said yet again.
I'm off to read a newsletter from soldiers in Iraq, then a bit of The Alchemist and finally, sleep :)
Goodnight all. Find peace in this world by surrounding yourself with the ones you love, cherish your time together.
Love God, love people.
We left the Falls on Tuesday morning after my grandfather was determined critically stable. We wanted to beat the ice storm so that I could get back to work and Bri could get back to school, but my dad stayed for a few extra days.
My grandfather was taken off the ventilator/breathing machine today and everything was looking up. He was talking and four hours later, they had to put him back on the machine. Without it, they said it would put too much pressure on his heart and he wouldn't make it. He wasn't happy and my grandmother is just torn up. She had stopped crying when I called, but she sounds different. Tuesday morning I found out she was there when he flatlined. She said it was the hardest thing to watch. My dad is doing better but he said he has a bad feeling...
There's nothing more to write for now... He's alive, that I can praise God for, and I can pray for His will above ours. A prayer I'm also sending up for a friend's husband who has lost his job. This economy sucks. I know everyone knows that, but it had to be said yet again.
I'm off to read a newsletter from soldiers in Iraq, then a bit of The Alchemist and finally, sleep :)
Goodnight all. Find peace in this world by surrounding yourself with the ones you love, cherish your time together.
Love God, love people.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Winter storm - hitting hearts and homes
I'm sitting in my grandparents den on the computer they never use.. and the house is silent. My grandmother is making minimal noise in the kitchen as she takes her medicine and worries over the "get well" plants that are, ironically, dying.
Typically, she would be reading a romance or best-seller novel on the couch, half-dozing, while my grandfather sits in his chair watching the late show -- also half-dozing. But tonight, my precious grandfather is in intensive care and we are all playing a waiting game. First it was, the first 24 hours will tell all.. now the doctor is saying the first 48 hours. I hate waiting. I've never been a patient person.
Early this morning he woke up with a stomach pain, caused by only God knows what. By 4am he was short of breath and by 8:30 my grandma was calling the ambulance. He had congestive heart failure and they lost him in the emergency room. They actually asked my grandmother if she wanted them to revive him. 4 minutes passed. He lived again. Not long after he was transferred from ER to ICU...
The call came at lunch. I rushed away from work, packed a huge bag - not thinking, just chunking things in - and began frantically calling my roommate. Without asking questions, she left work and came home because I called her crying saying I needed to get to Ft Worth to meet my sister and I needed her to drive me. I filled her in on the rest as we drove to meet Bri. Upon arriving in the falls, we found the family in icu. No change, no talking.. He's been asleep since we've been here but he's not in pain.
It's hard to see a man that you have always imagined as strong and reliable, suddenly fighting for his life, hooked up to machines. He's been sick off and on for four years, but if he could have hid it from you he would have. And to some extent he did with the strength of his exterior and the jokes extended to excuse his old age. But the reality is setting in - with bursts of tears and "he scared me" from my grandmother, to her telling him he has to keep going, to all of us trying to pretend that all is well.
I really hate this. And I think this town might be toxic..
Typically, she would be reading a romance or best-seller novel on the couch, half-dozing, while my grandfather sits in his chair watching the late show -- also half-dozing. But tonight, my precious grandfather is in intensive care and we are all playing a waiting game. First it was, the first 24 hours will tell all.. now the doctor is saying the first 48 hours. I hate waiting. I've never been a patient person.
Early this morning he woke up with a stomach pain, caused by only God knows what. By 4am he was short of breath and by 8:30 my grandma was calling the ambulance. He had congestive heart failure and they lost him in the emergency room. They actually asked my grandmother if she wanted them to revive him. 4 minutes passed. He lived again. Not long after he was transferred from ER to ICU...
The call came at lunch. I rushed away from work, packed a huge bag - not thinking, just chunking things in - and began frantically calling my roommate. Without asking questions, she left work and came home because I called her crying saying I needed to get to Ft Worth to meet my sister and I needed her to drive me. I filled her in on the rest as we drove to meet Bri. Upon arriving in the falls, we found the family in icu. No change, no talking.. He's been asleep since we've been here but he's not in pain.
It's hard to see a man that you have always imagined as strong and reliable, suddenly fighting for his life, hooked up to machines. He's been sick off and on for four years, but if he could have hid it from you he would have. And to some extent he did with the strength of his exterior and the jokes extended to excuse his old age. But the reality is setting in - with bursts of tears and "he scared me" from my grandmother, to her telling him he has to keep going, to all of us trying to pretend that all is well.
I really hate this. And I think this town might be toxic..
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am second
I'm busy. It's true, really. I want to blog but there hardly seems to be time. So tonight I've decided to post a story that I did not write, but it happened just down the road from me. On a cold night and in a cold nation, this will warm your soul...
Written by:
Rick Reilly, Sports Illustrated
High school football is big in America, but I suppose there is no place where it is bigger than in Texas. Friday nights there are legend.
The fans scream; the stands are packed; cheerleaders with pom-poms jump and sway to the beat of the school bandand everybody joins in the chants and stomps their feet on the metal stands until you are sure they will collapse.
This is the frenzy of Texas high school football.
But there is one football team in Texas that is a little different. When they play on Friday night, their stands are empty, no band, no cheerleaders, no mass of parents or townsfolk wearing the school colors and waving banners and flags. They take the field without anyone cheering them on. When they score a touchdown, which rarely happens, there is no wild celebration behind them… All of it seems hollow and muffled in contrast to the tidal wave of roars and drums and chants that come from the opposing side.
They are the Tornadoes of the Gainesville State School, a fenced, maximum-security facility. The young men who go to Gainesville State are there because they have made some major mistakes in their lives. But the players who are on the team are there because they have worked hard and have earned enough good behavior points that gives them the privilege to leave the facility and play football on Friday nights—always an away game for them—always a home game for their opponents—and almost always a loss. They don’t have a weight program or training equipment or high-paid coaches and assistants. They don’t have a large pool of players to draw from. The school has 275 boys, but many are too old or too young or can’t or don’t meet the “criteria” to play. And they don’t have the support of a town and a mass of parents and family and reporters and bands and cheerleaders.
That is, until November 7th. Something changed. They played Grapevine Faith Christian School.
A few days before the game, the Gainesville coach, Mark Williams received a call from Faith Christian coach, Kris Hogan, asking him if it would be okay if Faith formed a “spirit” line for his team when they ran on the field. Mark said, “Sure, that would be a real encouragement to the kids.” He thought that the line would consist of a couple of the JV cheerleaders, but when they took the field, there were a hundred people in it and it stretched to the 40-yard line, filled with Faith Christian parents, fans and varsity cheerleaders, complete with a banner at the end for them to burst through that read “Go Tornadoes!”. And then, those parents and fans sat in the stands behind the Gainesville players and when the Tornadoes broke the huddle and went up to the line they could hear people cheering for them, by name. When they got a first down, “their” fans erupted.
You see, coach Hogan had sent an email out to the Faith Christian parents and students asking them to consider doing something kind for these young men, many who didn’t know what it meant to have a mom and dad who cared, many who felt the world was against them, not for them. Hogan asked that they simply send a message that these boys were “just as valuable as any other person on earth.”
So half of the Faith Christian fans were now sitting on the visitor’s side of the field, cheering for the Gainesville team, and in some cases, against their own sons. –Cheering for a team decked out in mismatched old uniforms and helmets. –Cheering for boys who wouldn’t go home that night and have a smiling dad slap him on the back and feel his mom put her arms around him and say “I’m so proud of you son!” –Cheering for the underdog.
This was a Friday night like no other for the Tornadoes. In the locker room, the players were confused. “Why are they cheerin’ for us, coach?” “Because, men, they want to encourage you. They want you to know that they care about you…that you have value.”
Coach Williams said the boys were stunned. For many of these kids, it may have been the first time that anyone had shown them, so visibly, unconditional love.
They were down 33 to nothing at the half. Williams encouraged his team to set a goal for the second half: to score a touchdown against this vastly superior team. And when the boys from the State School took the field again, with their fans cheering them on, everything started to click. And they did score. Not once but twice.
And the fans went wild.
Coach Williams was asked what the bus ride was like on the way home and he laughed and said that they were all asleep—their bellies were full. That’s becuz after the game, the parents brought a whole bunch of food over to the guys: hamburgers, fries, candy, sodas…and included in the meal sack was a Bible and a personal letter of encouragement from a Faith Christian player. But then, he said, they formed a line for us out to the bus. And the parents patted them on the back and said, “Nice game” and “Look forward to seeing you guys next time.”
As they left the field that night, Coach Williams grabbed Coach Hogan and said to him: “You’ll never know what your people did for these kids tonight. You’ll never, ever know.”
Follow their example; love God and love His people.
Written by:
Rick Reilly, Sports Illustrated
High school football is big in America, but I suppose there is no place where it is bigger than in Texas. Friday nights there are legend.
The fans scream; the stands are packed; cheerleaders with pom-poms jump and sway to the beat of the school bandand everybody joins in the chants and stomps their feet on the metal stands until you are sure they will collapse.
This is the frenzy of Texas high school football.
But there is one football team in Texas that is a little different. When they play on Friday night, their stands are empty, no band, no cheerleaders, no mass of parents or townsfolk wearing the school colors and waving banners and flags. They take the field without anyone cheering them on. When they score a touchdown, which rarely happens, there is no wild celebration behind them… All of it seems hollow and muffled in contrast to the tidal wave of roars and drums and chants that come from the opposing side.
They are the Tornadoes of the Gainesville State School, a fenced, maximum-security facility. The young men who go to Gainesville State are there because they have made some major mistakes in their lives. But the players who are on the team are there because they have worked hard and have earned enough good behavior points that gives them the privilege to leave the facility and play football on Friday nights—always an away game for them—always a home game for their opponents—and almost always a loss. They don’t have a weight program or training equipment or high-paid coaches and assistants. They don’t have a large pool of players to draw from. The school has 275 boys, but many are too old or too young or can’t or don’t meet the “criteria” to play. And they don’t have the support of a town and a mass of parents and family and reporters and bands and cheerleaders.
That is, until November 7th. Something changed. They played Grapevine Faith Christian School.
A few days before the game, the Gainesville coach, Mark Williams received a call from Faith Christian coach, Kris Hogan, asking him if it would be okay if Faith formed a “spirit” line for his team when they ran on the field. Mark said, “Sure, that would be a real encouragement to the kids.” He thought that the line would consist of a couple of the JV cheerleaders, but when they took the field, there were a hundred people in it and it stretched to the 40-yard line, filled with Faith Christian parents, fans and varsity cheerleaders, complete with a banner at the end for them to burst through that read “Go Tornadoes!”. And then, those parents and fans sat in the stands behind the Gainesville players and when the Tornadoes broke the huddle and went up to the line they could hear people cheering for them, by name. When they got a first down, “their” fans erupted.
You see, coach Hogan had sent an email out to the Faith Christian parents and students asking them to consider doing something kind for these young men, many who didn’t know what it meant to have a mom and dad who cared, many who felt the world was against them, not for them. Hogan asked that they simply send a message that these boys were “just as valuable as any other person on earth.”
So half of the Faith Christian fans were now sitting on the visitor’s side of the field, cheering for the Gainesville team, and in some cases, against their own sons. –Cheering for a team decked out in mismatched old uniforms and helmets. –Cheering for boys who wouldn’t go home that night and have a smiling dad slap him on the back and feel his mom put her arms around him and say “I’m so proud of you son!” –Cheering for the underdog.
This was a Friday night like no other for the Tornadoes. In the locker room, the players were confused. “Why are they cheerin’ for us, coach?” “Because, men, they want to encourage you. They want you to know that they care about you…that you have value.”
Coach Williams said the boys were stunned. For many of these kids, it may have been the first time that anyone had shown them, so visibly, unconditional love.
They were down 33 to nothing at the half. Williams encouraged his team to set a goal for the second half: to score a touchdown against this vastly superior team. And when the boys from the State School took the field again, with their fans cheering them on, everything started to click. And they did score. Not once but twice.
And the fans went wild.
Coach Williams was asked what the bus ride was like on the way home and he laughed and said that they were all asleep—their bellies were full. That’s becuz after the game, the parents brought a whole bunch of food over to the guys: hamburgers, fries, candy, sodas…and included in the meal sack was a Bible and a personal letter of encouragement from a Faith Christian player. But then, he said, they formed a line for us out to the bus. And the parents patted them on the back and said, “Nice game” and “Look forward to seeing you guys next time.”
As they left the field that night, Coach Williams grabbed Coach Hogan and said to him: “You’ll never know what your people did for these kids tonight. You’ll never, ever know.”
Follow their example; love God and love His people.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
2009
Welcome to the new year...
Midnight was rung in with friends and toasted with champagne.
Work is back in full-swing with police training videos underway, a museum exhibit
looming, an untouched history project for the golf course, and so much more...
Here's to the year ahead.
In all things - remember,
Love God, love people.
Midnight was rung in with friends and toasted with champagne.
Work is back in full-swing with police training videos underway, a museum exhibit
looming, an untouched history project for the golf course, and so much more...
Here's to the year ahead.
In all things - remember,
Love God, love people.
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