Pretty Girl

So... I don't always feel pretty. Well, I'll probably feel pretty more often than I feel that other people view me as pretty. Let's just say that it's not an everyday occurrence for someone to tell me how great I look. I'm ok with that, I'm not conceited and I know there are plenty of gorgeous girls out there, especially here at Baylor... but here's the worst. When you are told you're pretty, only to be followed with the hint that you are a just pretty face, nothing else.

I'm an intelligent girl. I don't want to defend myself, but a conversation just left me feeling like I should. Here's how it started; I was hanging out with a bunch of friends last night that I've known for years. I was in a goofy mood and unusually flirty, which apparently wasn't the best since there were a few people there that don't know me as well. Through a conversation it came off that I'm always this way. The worst part- a close friend was a part of the conversation. Now I'm left wondering if anyone knows me at all. There are some friends that do... but the rest of you?

So here's how it goes - I am intelligent. I am pretty, but not conceited. I can be flirtatious, but I am reserved. I won't get into a deep debate with someone upon first encounter. I tend to keep political, religious, and similiar topics, to serious conversations in which I feel I will have freedom to express my opinions. It's not that I always want to be right or that I know a great deal about every subject, but I'm interested if you have a differing opinion or if you can inform me on something unknown to me. I'm not interested if you are just going to tell me I'm wrong and my opinions are stupid.

That's my rant for the day.
Your average pretty girl probably has a brain, but she isn't going to walk around spouting off how smart and pretty she is. We are the type that you have to get to know.

Earlier today I thought an evening to myself would be dreadfully boring. I need excitement in my life...

But I just found an amazing recipe for relaxation - a glass of wine, a piece of chocolate cake, and Harry Potter. My mother wouldn't approve of anything but the chocolate...

So with my sister and two best friends off at retreats, I'm left to my own defenses and muses. Here is one: my sister made a "soundtrack" to her life mix CD. While we were listening to it in the car her friend said she had the same soundtrack as Bri. Though my sister and I are very much alike, we do not have the same soundtrack. I love some of the songs on her CD, but I just can't get into some of them. But it's perfect. As I said, my sister and I are very much alike. But we don't agree on everything; we have our distinct diffferences and not only in our tastes in music.

I've almost decided what I will do after graduation. Almost. But for some reason I'm afraid of talking it through too much. Possibly because it's so much my heart's desire that I don't want to jinx it.

Now I'm tired and not in the mood of writing much more - let's just say, life is crazy as a senior.

Published

I have officially been published on Newswire and the Internet.

Check it out:

http://www.baylor.edu/business/news.php?action=story&story=46688

I want to hold your hand...

Last Sunday my pastor was talking about changes in the world and how “I want to hold your hand” used to be such a hit song, but now all of the popular songs are talking about things far from the holding hand stage… It’s sad to realize that he is right. I love Fergie’s new song and the part that say “yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too.” But then the music video shows them living together… wait… what? Why can’t love be simple anymore? Why can’t the "living together" come after marriage? Why is holding hands considered juvenile or not a big deal?

I have had two conversations as of late with different girls on this subject. In the first conversation one of my sister’s friends was saying that she saw holding hands as an intimate act. She said that, in her opinion, it is a big step in dating. Even if the couple had not yet defined themselves in a relationship, she definitely thought it was a step in that direction. I completely agreed with her and loved the fact that she referred to it as an act of intimacy, even though she was hesitant to do so. I feel like the word “intimate” is only used nowadays in association with something sexual, but really it was first meant to mean cozy, private and personal, closely connected – it was more about a relationship.

Today, while driving home, my friend and I were listening to the Fergie song and I made a remark about the line I like and we got into my second conversation on holding hands. She said that she viewed it as a sign to show everyone else that you are with this person, you might not be serious or dating just yet, but you’re willing to make a leap and say that the two of you are with each other. She also said that it shows the guy that you trust him.

These girls are amazing. They don’t view the first step as kissing or jumping into bed with each other. They aren’t looking for a guy to live with. They are the type of girls that define those of us who really are your nice Christian girl who still wants to hold a guys hand. We want to find intimacy by developing a close relationship that isn’t sexual. We want to go back to the way the world used to be. Back to the Beatles.. well.. maybe not the "yellow submarine" Beatles, but you know what I mean.

I know I have been flippant in the past about relationships, maybe even kissed a few too many boys, but as I grow older I am defining what I want in a relationship. I am taking to heart what each action symbolizes, what each word really means. My dear friend holds wisdom when she says that she doesn’t want another “I love you” until the guy is sure she is the one, until he is ready to propose. Why mess with a relationship that causes hurt or pain, or might lead to pregnancy, or causes God’s heart to break? Why not search for the real thing? Why not take baby steps in relationships and treasure the joy of those small things, looking at everything else as a blessing in marriage?

And guys… seriously… take note. Realize what you do affects us and we really will analyze everything because we believe actions speak louder than words.

So, I’m sticking by it. I will encourage my friends with their “ridiculously high standards” because I have seen the girls who have had those standards met. I have met the boys who have turned into wonderful men of God and faithful, loving husbands. I haven't found him yet, but I’ll wait until I can have one of my own; one who will first show me his affection through simply holding my hand.

Have I stopped breathing?

Life is beyond trying to catch my breath. Now it's more like, holding my breath and hoping everything doesn't come tumbling down around me.

How am I supposed to do it? How did I do it before? For some reason being gone one semester and taking two extremely blow-off Spanish classes this summer have combined to throw me out of the swing of combining school and life.

Yesterday there was a lady bug on my car. All I could think was, oh I hope she's bring me good luck! I was in a good mood. Well, I must have shut the car door on her or she must have been thrown off when I took off down the highway.. whatever it was she's brought me bad luck instead of good. Well, there is one good thing that has happened in the last 24-hours. I got tickets to Austin City Limits, I'm just hoping it is as awesome as I'm foreseeing it to be. But this morning.. has been rough.

For one of my classes I have to work an internship, not for internship credit, but it's just a requirement, like a major project. Well, last week I found an amazing internship and so far I've been enjoying it, then I was told I won't be paid for the hours worked. I know, I know, a lot of internships are unpaid. But I dont have the resources to spend 6-10-or more hours a week working somewhere without pay. My one job on campus barely pays enough for groceries. And the thing is, my supervisor wants to pay me, but the internship is on campus too and federal work study doesnt not allow for students to be paid while working at an internship. Has the government lost their ever lovin mind?? I wanted to scream at the financial aid lady, but instead I came close to tears, and to top it all off my professor is not answering my emails. So where do I turn? Nowhere. So far, no one is proving able to help. So I work for free and pray to God that I somehow have money to pay bills in a month.

That's my main dilemma today. Either I find a new internship, which has not proved to be easy, or I work without pay. Another issue of the day is photography. I love photography. I get joy from taking pictures and seeing the end result. But, I know nothing about film photography. Really, nothing. I ruined three rolls of film in the last week, just trying to figure out how to use my stinkin camera. Three rolls. And they are not your cheap kodak film rolls, nope. But I'm learning and the experience is good. Learn from your mistakes, right? I definitely am.

So that's that.
Labor day was nice, though instead of getting caught up on homework, I stayed behind. But we had a cookout at our apartment and had lots of random friends unite for food and fun. Now I have another cookout to go to tonight, a guerilla comedy troupe show, and film to be developed. Yes my dears, every hour of my day is booked (and already it's a challenge to sit still in class with so much to do).

For those of you back home, I'll probably see you tomorrow night at Jess' graduation party... it's going to be fun! :)

Hello, hello.
It's been awhile.

School started back in full swing on Monday and I am officially a Baylor senior. Scary. I'm taking 17 hours, I'm working one job at the moment, I'll be starting an internship in a week or two, and besides that I'm in one campus group, trying out for another organization, going to church, visiting home, catching up with old friends.. and trying to catch my breath..

Let's backtrack a month or so. I finished out Spanish II and now I'm waiting for my grades to transfer over. The class was difficult but somehow I managed an A; maybe because one of the other students brought our professor a bottle of tequila and said it was a present from all of us - he is a huge fan of tequila. Or maybe my hardwork payed off.

I didnt get a job for the end of the summer, but for a little bit I helped out my parents with church stuff, then we were busy the last few weeks. My parents bought an aparment for my sister and I in Waco, just two weeks before school started. Which means we spent a week and a half remodeling the whole place, as well as a day moving everything down here. The apartment is great and almost perfect (we still have a few things to hang on the walls and such). Bri got here Saturday so we've been trying to catch up and get settled, as well as go to class. It's been good and hectic.

So that's a very quick update. Summer ended with a lot of work at the apartment, though up until then it was rather lazy.

Sign of a Promise and Hope

I saw a rainbow today.
I started summer II on Monday and as I was walking out of class tonight, it was pouring. I had my umbrella, but my jeans are still soaked to me knees. So I was a lil chilled, but as I drove away from the campus I saw a gorgeous rainbow sitting over the main building. After all of this rain, it was good to see a rainbow. As I drove away though, the rainbow was behind me, the sun was peeking out of clouds in front of me, there was lightening to my left and the flood gates had been released upon my car. But for once, I just enjoyed the craziness of weather as I drove to the church.
Thank you Lord for the rainbow :)

So.. my life.. I finished summer I, summer II is already starting to worry me. I quite my job (my manager liked me.. a lil too much), and now I'm more or less thinking about getting a job for the month I have left before going back to Baylor. I really have a negative attitude about it, but I really am going to try.. :) Anyway, having some time off to finish my class and visit family and celebrate the 4th without working has all been a blessing.

Living with the parents has been ok, but I really miss my friends and Baylor. I have made a few friends here though. Of course there is everyone at church, but I also met a girl in my summer I class who goes to Baylor, so she has helped keep me from going insane. Also, I'm still close to a few co-workers from TD. Mainly Gustavo, who is just a fabulous guy, and Eder. Eder is... just crazy. After working with him for a while, he decided to pretend that I was more Mexican than the rest of them, and in doing so I was in need of a Spanish name. First, I was Maria, soon after it was Guadalupe - Lupe for short, then Pancha. Even now, he uses a mix of all three when he sees me :) My GM, however, decided that Megamillion was a better nickname for me. So if you call me by any of those names, I will probably respond with a smile :)

Well, that's the quickest update on my life as of late. I go to school, church and spend time with my parents. Someday, when I have more internet access, I will definitely blog more.
I hope you are all marvelous!!