Trip down memory lane.. and into a curious mind...

I love to blog, but I seem to always run into a technical difficulty, such as the other night when it just wouldn't post and ended up closing. So lame. On the occasion that I take the time and it does actually post, my blog is usually one of random thoughts. I've begun to wonder if it's worth reading. I mean, I could continue to blog for my own entertainment, but I apologize if it is not entertaining to you. If you want entertaining, I know a boy who blogs about as often as I do and his is rather quirky - thought it is about a band... This is just about me... Anyway, enough of that.

So once again, my parents are moving. As usual this calls for the packing and "re-packing" of old memories, keepsakes and books - the only things I really have left at my parents house. Most of this was already in boxes, waiting for a time when I have more space of my own. But this weekend I sorted through all of it again.

Some of the things I held so dear to my heart in high school, seem completely useless and unimportant now. Other things I couldn't get rid of because it oddly seemed wrong, and yet I have no use for it other than to put it in a box.. Like my cheerleading uniform from junior high. What use is that? But who else would want it? I dont know. There were some interesting things to rediscover - like old love letters. When I was a freshman in high school I dated a junior. As this was a time before text messaging, note passing was still ever popular. In fact, this boyfriend of mine would type notes to me at home, after talking to me on the phone, and give them to me at school the next day. I don't know why I kept these (they were trashed this weekend..), but it put a small smile on my face when I read the notes that said nothing. I'm sure I was really excited to read it when I was 15, but now it just echoes the past empty conversations in shallow relationships. Hmm the joys of dating in high school :) Aside from that there were a few proclamations of desperate love from others.. only a few... but still fun to read.

I also read through a few assignments I kept from junior high, which actually made me cringe as I read them. They were terrible. Ok, my reports were good. I was a decent writer. But when writing anything personal, well, I just lost all creative writing expertise. I hope my writing now is not so awful, if so, divert your eyes immediately! But as for my old English teachers.. well bravo to them for bearing through!

As I left home yesterday, I left three boxes of mementos. A few boxes of toys and kids books that my parents will one day let me kids play with, and a house that I may never see again. Oddly enough, I'm only sad that I can't help my parents move - only because it is a lot of work and they need the help. But I really won't miss the house. Probably something to do with moving somewhere around 25 times in my lifetime...

Well, I'm off to a Texas Baptist Media Forum - because that's what writers do.. Or at least Baptist writers? I don't know. It's just to give me some direction for the future, if possible :)

Go listen to Matt Costa.
His music will make you happy.
Or.. you could always listen to some more sleeperstar, as I know you constantly have it on repeat. ;)

Love God, Love people.

New Year...

I recently became reacquainted with an old friend... Hard to explain, but in this process I told this dear girl some of my past, and well, let's just say it didn't sound too pretty on my ears. I think everyone regrets something from the past, but I regret a lot. There is really nothing I can do to change the past, but in talking to her and with the start of a new year, I realized that I can continue to change my future. I made a lot of excuses for what I've done in the past, but here is the truth of it - I screwed up a lot and in some ways I'm a better person for it. In other ways, I'll just make sure to not make the same mistakes again...

So this new year has begun with some musings of the past and thoughts on the future.

This is the year I graduate from college. May 17th to be exact. I'll receive my diploma and jump to another stepping stone. The question now is - which stepping stone? May keeps approaching, yet each day just brings less clarity. I could be a bum, I could move to Latin America/NYC/Spain/Anywhere, I could work in PR, I could find a writing job, I could travel endlessly, I could go to grad school, I could stay and work in Waco, I really could do anything... My options are endless. How exciting! And how very, very frightening.

Besides life-altering decisions, this year also has promise...
Promise that I will reach my goal of graduating, promise that I will see some of my dearest friends married and happily in love, promise that I will see new children in the arms of other friends, promise that my God is forever great, promise that there is a plan for my life, promise that my parents house will sell.. promises are hiding at every corner, waiting to be discovered :)

A new year also holds new beginnings.
I have a new favorite band: Sleeperstar.
I also have a new boyfriend who sings and plays the keyboard in this band. He's amazing.
After May I'll begin a new stage of life (as mentioned earlier).
New friendships are developing everyday - that's exciting.
And there are millions of new things to come.. most I'll never expect, but I'm excited to experience.

So here's to a new year and new beginnings. Let's leave the past in the past and look forward to an exciting time in 2008.

Happy New Year Friends :)

Friendships..

The Postal Service have the perfect calming effect when life overwhelms you and makes you sad.
I'm both right now - overwhelmed and sad.

I'm overwhelmed because, for whatever reason, one of my professors decided to give a test the Monday before Thanksgiving and another decided to have project presentations the Tuesday before. Sure, it will be helpful to get them out of the way, but I just want to go home to my parents and not study.. But I'll do those two things and a million other little things, I'll see friends and have turkey dinners with them.. and I'll go home after work on Tuesday.

So that's one thing.
I'm sad because it just hit me that I have officially lost another friend. I hate when that happens. And not because they've moved away or something, but we've just ceased to be friends. The worst part- I don't know why. So here's the deal. I've been friends with a girl since my freshman year here, we were never really close until she became my roommate last fall. At that point we were very close. From there I met her befriended her boyfriend, listened to wedding plans and was invited to the shindig following her engagement.. not to mention, I was there with her through the good and bad times of that semester. We dealt with tough situations in our house and we grew a lot together. But upon my return to school this semester she seemed distant. I just assumed we were both really busy and she was even more so, planning for a fall wedding and all. Then there was no contact and no wedding invitation. No big deal, she waits till last minute to do a lot of things... then there was the brush-off at church... ok, still not understanding... Well, she got married this weekend. I'm not offfended that I wasn't invited, it just hurts because now I know for sure, our friendship is over.

I'm not the best friend; I try to be, but I know I fail. I've had at least two close friendships end because I was too stubborn to see someone elses point of view; that is hard to admit, but it's true. I've had multiple friendships end because someone's moved away or lives have taken completely different directions, those I accept as just a passing of time and part of life. But I hate when something ends because I've been stubborn or selfish, or due to unknown circumstances.

So if you are my friend and I'm being a jerk, let me know and have patience - I'll do the same for you. I want friendships to last, especially the ones that make my heart smile.

For Thanksgiving - I give thanks to the wonderful tried and true friends that I have. I have definitely become a better friend, but I still have friends who were around when I was too selfish to be a great friend. Thanks for sticking by me and understanding me :)

Love God, Love People.

M

Wal-Mart Sells Drugs

I was going to add "kills children" but since that's not completely true.. I suppose I won't slander them too much. Anyway, I received the "Wal-mart wish guide" in the mail, though I don't have children.. and one of their "top 12" toys is aquadots.
It's right there, in big bold letters, the toy that is associated with a deadly date rape drug is sold and supported by Wal-mart. Shame on them. They kill off small businesses, they create a monopoly, they provide terrible customer service and then they start in on our children.

Love, Movies, Senior Year

It's nearly 2am, the latest I've stayed up in ages, and I'm sitting in my living room watching Sleepless in Seattle. Meg Ryan is my favorite actress, next to Audrey Hepburn. And I love the soundtracks for Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, they are just fabulous.

There's this one part in the movie when Rosie's character is talking to Meg Ryan's character and she says: "That's your problem. You don't want to be in love - you want to be in love in a movie."

That's so me. I adore the love stories in movies. I don't have it yet, but I'm holding out, one day I'll get my love story.... I wonder if I love NY in part for how romantic it is and seems to be. Hmm just a thought..

So anyways, I felt really old tonight.. Meagan, Amanda and I decided to go to an ATO party tonight after a dance party at CG. It was going to be a fun night of dancing - or so we thought. The CG party was fun. Really it was just all of the typical people, plus a handful of other kids, goofing off and dancing to fun music. But once we got to the ATO party, that was when I felt old.

I hadn't been to one all year and I thought it would be like old times, but it wasn't... I realized that most of my ATO friends have graduated. Most of the girls there were freshman and the guys were probably mostly sophomores and juniors. I was among the oldest people there. As sad as I am to graduate, I guess it really is time.. time to say goodbye and move on.. well, I guess by May I'll be ready to do that. These small moments in time are definitely preparing me for that time.

Well, the movie is over and I'm much to tired to write anymore.

Good night everyone. I hope you all get your love story too :)

Pretty Girl

So... I don't always feel pretty. Well, I'll probably feel pretty more often than I feel that other people view me as pretty. Let's just say that it's not an everyday occurrence for someone to tell me how great I look. I'm ok with that, I'm not conceited and I know there are plenty of gorgeous girls out there, especially here at Baylor... but here's the worst. When you are told you're pretty, only to be followed with the hint that you are a just pretty face, nothing else.

I'm an intelligent girl. I don't want to defend myself, but a conversation just left me feeling like I should. Here's how it started; I was hanging out with a bunch of friends last night that I've known for years. I was in a goofy mood and unusually flirty, which apparently wasn't the best since there were a few people there that don't know me as well. Through a conversation it came off that I'm always this way. The worst part- a close friend was a part of the conversation. Now I'm left wondering if anyone knows me at all. There are some friends that do... but the rest of you?

So here's how it goes - I am intelligent. I am pretty, but not conceited. I can be flirtatious, but I am reserved. I won't get into a deep debate with someone upon first encounter. I tend to keep political, religious, and similiar topics, to serious conversations in which I feel I will have freedom to express my opinions. It's not that I always want to be right or that I know a great deal about every subject, but I'm interested if you have a differing opinion or if you can inform me on something unknown to me. I'm not interested if you are just going to tell me I'm wrong and my opinions are stupid.

That's my rant for the day.
Your average pretty girl probably has a brain, but she isn't going to walk around spouting off how smart and pretty she is. We are the type that you have to get to know.

Earlier today I thought an evening to myself would be dreadfully boring. I need excitement in my life...

But I just found an amazing recipe for relaxation - a glass of wine, a piece of chocolate cake, and Harry Potter. My mother wouldn't approve of anything but the chocolate...

So with my sister and two best friends off at retreats, I'm left to my own defenses and muses. Here is one: my sister made a "soundtrack" to her life mix CD. While we were listening to it in the car her friend said she had the same soundtrack as Bri. Though my sister and I are very much alike, we do not have the same soundtrack. I love some of the songs on her CD, but I just can't get into some of them. But it's perfect. As I said, my sister and I are very much alike. But we don't agree on everything; we have our distinct diffferences and not only in our tastes in music.

I've almost decided what I will do after graduation. Almost. But for some reason I'm afraid of talking it through too much. Possibly because it's so much my heart's desire that I don't want to jinx it.

Now I'm tired and not in the mood of writing much more - let's just say, life is crazy as a senior.