Almost Mrs. Scurlock...

*dust* cough *dust, dust*

Yeah just a few more cobwebs.... But I've been busy!!

In just over two weeks I will be walking down to aisle to become Mrs. Blake Scurlock. And let me tell you, I can't wait!!

The planning process has been fun, interesting, tiring, overwhelming... And so weird. I'm used to planning things for other people or worrying more about what other people will enjoy, and now it's about me and Blake, what we want, what we will remember forever. But Blake has been so great. He's been so helpful and involved, but especially patient -- I'm not one to be too decisive :)

Here's a peek at what's to come....

My decided colors are eggplant, granny apple green, bright yellow with some ivory and silver. I know the last two seem random, but it will all come together. We are going for a very vintage, classic feel - both timeless and reminiscent of the 1940s.

My girls will be wearing a dupioni silk Alfred Sung dress, style d497, in Majestic. It's tough to tell in some photos, but it is a very deep eggplant. The guys will be wearing a light gray Michael Kors suit that we got at Mens Warehouse. (unfortunately, I don't think they're available anywhere...)

And I'm wearing..... Oh, wait. For that one you'll have to wait! But I can tell you that it's ivory and champagne and very lovely :) I can't wait to wear it. I will show you my shoes! I got them at a local shop, Marti & Liz, for only a quarter of the price. I'm pretty proud of that.

I think deciding what everyone would wear was one of the hardest decisions of all. I can't even begin to calculate the hours I spent searching looking through bridal magazines, searching online and visiting stores to see dresses -- then add in the hours my little sister spent looking = craziness. And it was almost as bad for the guys. But for them I'm just glad we found the perfect suit and didn't settle on a tux. (my man is gonna look hot!!)

Ok, sorry.

The ceremony was actually easier to decide on. Once we settled on a general location, downtown Franklin, we had limited resources. After a few church visits, we found the perfect one: Franklin Cumberland Presbyterian Church. The best part: since we have to keep the wedding relatively small, our friends and family members who can't attend or we couldn't invite, can watch the service via webcam on the church website. I love technology! Especially since my great-grandmother won't be able to make the trip; she can still see me in my dress and watch as I become Blake's wife. How awesome is that?

The reception will be at Financial Peace Conference Center (for all of you wedding crashers). We are actually having a full big band come! I can't tell you how excited I am for that!! I hardly care about any of the decorations - they will be the decoration! But really, I'm the girl that grew up loving Tommy Dorsey and swing, while my sister was a fan of Glen Miller. This is our jam. :) But really, Radio Daze, I'm expecting big things.

I want to share with you some of the inspiration for the reception decor, but I read wedding blogs daily for personal and professional use... And I have no idea where half of my inspiration photos came from. So I will keep those for my personal viewing and just tell you some of the ideas! For the centerpieces we are stacking hardback books with DIY mercury glass vases and flowers/candles. Our guestbook table will have an antique typewriter and paper to write on (since typing isn't everyone's strong point!). There will be lace, doilies, vintage cameras, a vintage suitcase, and lots of silver platters. If I can pull this off and round up my vision... It's going to be awesome. It's just a lot of "if"s right now.

My one piece of advice so far in this planning process: never settle for a price. Keep asking until you find the vendor you can afford for the product you want. It's so worth the extra inquiries. I never thought I would be able to get all of my flowers for less than $800... But I set a budget for $400 or less, and that's what I got. Then I started getting worried about the cost of having mine and everyone else's hair done for the wedding. First I agreed to a cost of $100 for myself, then asked around/begged my friend for references, and found a girl who is experienced, well recommended, and comes at a cost of $35. We're down to the wire and every cost cut is huge. The crazy thing is, here I am planning a wedding in a city that I'm relatively new to, and I didn't think I had connections or friends that could help me in the process. Wow have I been wrong. I definitely haven't received the support that I may have if I still lived in Texas and was planning there, but even with my smaller supply of friends here, I have been blessed.

I can't wait to share photos. For now I'll end with one of my favorite engagement photos.....

Life is moving forward... still evolving :)

It's been ages since my last post. As a friend told me, there are cobwebs on both this blog and my review blog... And I've had fun, exciting news to share, but I keep holding my breath that it will be even better and I'll have tons of great news to share (aka a full-time job, the cherry on top). But for now I am so very happy with the sundae that life has served me :)

Just a week after my last blog... I got engaged!
Most of you know that by now, but it's still fun to proclaim to the world - beyond Facebook, Twitter, Save the Dates, and a Knot website, this is the final step. Oh, and of course I have a gorgeous ring as a reminder to the daily world around me!

All of last summer, and really since the day I moved to Nashville, I have been waiting (sometimes impatiently) to proclaim that I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. But now I'm not much in the mood to spill our special moments to the online world... Is that strange? Well, if you are my friend on Facebook, then I spilled it all there. I will, however, give a brief synopsis.

Blake was able to surprise me, which is really a feat as I had come to expect it at every turn. But he surprised me with a trip to the Biltmore Mansion and I think I was honestly just excited to be there and tired of thinking about getting engaged that it was farthest from my mind. It was a special personal moment, that I cherish. And the ring... good grief... I'm not sure I could have picked out a ring even as good as he did - definitely not better. Especially considering my issues with just finding the right bridesmaids dresses!

So here's a snapshot of us happily engaged after....



So on a day when I was expecting a little time with my boyfriend and shopping with the girls in his family, I instead saw one of the most beautiful estates and pledged my eternal love to Blake.
Yeah I took it to the dramatic point.

The wedding planning began almost immediately, as we set a date on our drive to dinner. This date was changed, tossed around, and rounded back to. So on June 4, I will officially have a new name and a new life. The other plans are still evolving, slowly. We do have a caterer, photographer, location and I have my dress. But there is still the issue of bridesmaids dresses, flowers, decor, music, etc... It will come in time.

As for the cherry on top, well I'm still praying for that. I have had a few interviews and a few more openings come to light, so there actually is hope out there. But for the time being, I'm scraping by, working three jobs and chiseling out time to see Blake. In some weird combination, I love and hate my jobs. I can't explain it. Mostly because I'm trying not to think/talk/worry about work as much :) It's a process.

Oh, and if anyone knows of the perfect aubergine/eggplant/plum bridesmaids dress... Please let me know asap! I've yet to find the perfect dress and I'm about to give up on it...

That's my life over the past 4 months in a nutshell. Engaged, planning, working, praying.

This one is for the parents:

Mama's Song (chorus)
Carrie Underwood

He is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good
He makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me

If you die young...

Perez Hilton.
He is the person that put me on to my current train of thought. (sidetrack... does he have a real name?). He was on Ellen the other day and declared that he was going to start being nice. Everyone knows Perez and how he will tear anyone down with words and throw them to the gossip dogs, but it still intrigued me that someone would have to publicly declare that they are going to make an effort to be nice. It all came about because of the recent extensive efforts against bullying, and as even he knows, Perez is a big bully in the celebrity world. But he wants to change, so I'm with Ellen, let's give him a chance. Let's see what happens from here.

But this idea of changing your behavior and your actions, led me to this:

You have your entire life to change your thoughts and actions, but what if your entire life ended today - what thoughts would be on your mind? What actions would be your last?

It's true, our lives could be severed at any moment in time. No one knows how long they will be on this earth, or to that point, how long there will be an earth. Yet, we all presume we will be here forever. We think a bad thought, we get angry, we yell at a friend... But it doesn't matter because we change our thinking, we will cool off, apologize later.... But later could be now. Right now. As I'm typing, as you are reading. This could be your last moment or my last moment.

The Band Perry intrigues me, not because the boys want to have as cool of hair as their sister, but because this family of amazing talent seemed to come from nowhere and they are shaking things up while staying fully grounded. The songs I have heard are fun and catchy, including their latest hit - which is strange as it is also deep and a bit dark. It is a song that captures that essence of "today may be your last." You may die young, you may not experience everything you ever dreamed, but if you do die young, did you lead a good life? Would you be able to look back and be proud? Have you cherished enough moments?

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song, oh oh

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

Home is whenever I'm with you

I heard the song "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros as I was driving to my apartment tonight. It made me think back to a few weeks ago when I was visiting my parents and older sister in Texas. Some time during the weekend I talked to Blake on the phone and he asked me if I missed "home"; assuming he meant Nashville, I adamantly said yes and I was a bit confused when he asked me again "so you really miss home?" Then it struck me, he meant Texas. He meant did I miss "home" as in my parents and sister and the state I was visiting... But to me, that's no longer home. I love my family, I love my friends and I even dearly love Texas, however, Blake has caused a change. Texas will always be comforting to me and I will always feel loved, welcome, comfortable around my family and friends, but Blake is home to me now. I'm getting mushy... Sorry, skip the post. But it's true. Nashville is home for now, but if we move someday, that new place will be home. Just as Bandera, Wichita Falls, Denison, Plano, etc were home to me growing up with my parents. Anyway, love this song (I'm posting it below). It's fun and has a southern fun vibe to it. And its fitting :)

(Texas friends - they will be at ACL, you should go!)

Home

[Her:] Alabama, Arkansas,
I do love my ma and pa,
Not the way that I do love you.

[Him:] Holy, Moley, me, oh my,
You're the apple of my eye,
Girl I've never loved one like you.

[Her:] Man oh man you're my best friend,
I scream it to the nothingness,
There ain't nothing that I need.

[Him:] Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie,
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ,
Ain't nothing please me more than you.

[Both:] Ahh Home. Let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.
Home is wherever I'm with you.

La, la, la, la, take me home.
Mother, I'm coming home.

[Him:] I'll follow you into the park,
Through the jungle through the dark,
Girl I never loved one like you.

[Her:] Moats and boats and waterfalls,
Alley-ways and pay phone calls,
I've been everywhere with you.

[Him:] We laugh until we think we’ll die,
Barefoot on a summer night
Nothin’ new is sweeter than with you

[Her:] And in the streets you run afree,
Like it's only you and me,
Geeze, you're something to see.

[Both:] Ahh Home. Let me go home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.
Home is wherever I'm with you.

La, la, la, la, take me home.
Daddy, I'm coming home.

[Him:] Home. Let me come home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.

[Her:] Ahh home. Yes I am ho-oh-ome.
Home is when I'm alone with you.

[Her:] Alabama, Arkansas,
I do love my ma and pa...
Moats and boats and waterfalls,
Alley-ways and pay phone calls...

[Both:] Ahh Home. Let me go home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.
Home is where I'm alone with you...

http://www.myspace.com/edwardsharpe

A new season

It's fall in Nashville. I'm finally able to admit it and now with some expectancy as it means the holidays are drawing near. Technically, it was fall on September 23, but that week it was still warm enough to lay by the pool and soak up the sun (just ask Sarah who was here visiting last week). But I guess it was on Tuesday that I was walking across the grass to my apartment and realized that leaves were crunching under my feet. It was then that it hit me - fall snuck up on me. When I moved here Blake warned me that overnight summer would be here and the trees and landscape would magically be green. But I was so anxious for it that I noticed every detail of the changing season, but not with fall. And now at night the temperature drops to the 40s and the days are in the mid-70s. Very different from fall in Texas and yet, I love it. I love driving along and having the leaves falling like snowflakes on my car.

So it's been awhile since I've blogged.... Summer came and went. My parents, little sister and grandmother came to visit in June, spending nearly a week in my tiny apartment :) On the 25th, friends helped to surprise Blake for his first half-birthday celebration. In July, I became a part-time manager at LOFT, which (thankfully) cut my hours down at Zoes. Later in the month was Blake's family reunion in small-town Alabama. August came around with even hotter weather and Blake's graduation from MTSU. The graduation party was a wonderful celebration of him. And September, the month that is now ending, was a whirlwind. I flew to Texas to celebrate my 25th birthday with my family, after a few celebrations with Blake and his parents; then I drove home with the older sister who stayed for nearly a week to celebrate her birthday in Nashvegas. Football started and both of my teams are off to a good start. But now it's time for October, which will mark my 8th month of living in Tennessee. I even switched to a TN drivers license.....

Even with my wonderful summer and many moments to write about....I felt too apprehensive to even begin. I wanted to write some amazing life-changing news. I'm now a millionaire. I've been offered the dream of a lifetime. You know the sort, but life is never quite the fairy tale we imagine it to be or to become. I am still working two part-time jobs and applying for full-time positions (with little to no response). I still haven't been to visit my sister in Chicago, but I did finally make it home. I pray that I will stay healthy and my car will continue to run - I am making enough to cover my bills, but without health insurance or much money to spare. I could go on with the negatives that I never expected, but there are also positives that I never expected. I never dreamed I would love working in retail or for Ann Taylor LOFT. It was a temporary solution in my mind (and it still may be, with temporary stretching longer than usual). But I do, I love my job. It's unconventional. There is paperwork, but not the kind that requires you to sit behind a desk all day. I am constantly moving and I'm never bored. Projects are endless and a lot is expected of me in terms of my performance. I am a "trusted style advisor" as the company says and as my clients perceive, as they expect me to come up with a completely unique and absolutely perfect outfit to fit them. And I coach my girls in styling and serving our clients. I am learning more in one position than I imagined I would. My boss is great, my co-workers and management team are amazing, and the company itself is so very incorporating and supportive of their employees that I am impressed by their co-dedication to both employees and the client. Of course, it's not perfect (hence the reason for "temporary"). I am in need of real benefits and would love to have my nights and weekends back. It's exhausting and at times frustrating, but it's unconventional and it's where I am for now.

With this new season, I am more or less accepting my current position. I will still apply in the attempt to move up, but I am happy in my job. I am beginning to look forward to the holidays and more family time, but I'm also enjoying watching an actual season change. I will always love Texas and will continue to miss everyone there, but I may be turning in to a Tennessee girl... Who just so happens to have the perfect Tennessee boy ;)

I can tell you, my wish list is growing for when I do get that dream job.... I just can't help it :) It's also a fun game to play. One day, I'll be back in the game and I can buy the perfect mac laptop and have a car that works perfectly. It's coming, perhaps with this new season? Who knows, but I'm now glad that it's here.

Goodbye September, thanks again for a great birthday month!

April in a nutshell

Hey friends :)

Update: no full-time position, yet.
I should be starting a second part-time position by next week, just have to decide where first (have one and a half offers on the table...)

The last few weeks have been rather busy.. My friend Erika came to visit, first of all, and I was able to do a few touristy things with her. She also brought Mo to me! That was really an awesome part of it - I'm so happy he's here and he seems to really love it. So far his favorite spot is the top of my new couch or in the window, watching all of the geese and baby ducks walking by.

Anyway, I really had fun exploring the city and showing off little things that I love, including downtown Franklin. There we enjoyed lunch at Pucketts Grocery, followed by some window shopping and cupcakes from Naticakes. Blake had a free hour, so we met him at Centennial Park before musing through the Parthenon; it's been almost a year since I first visited it with Blake. We seemed to drive all over the place as we took off for more shopping in Hillsboro Village before heading over to Opryland and we even walked around the Grand Ole Opry :) The long day was ended with dinner at Satco and some live music at Tootsie's (I'm officially a fan of the place).



Before sending Erika home, we had to do the quintessential southern tourist activity - visit a plantation home. What better place to take her than the Belle Meade Plantation? This gorgeous house has a long line of impressive thoroughbreds and descendants, including my favorite racing horse, Secretariat. Here is what I think is impressive, all of the horses that have entered the Kentucky Derby in the past 5 years can trace their line back to the Bell Meade Plantation. It was once a glorious place. The mansion was built in 1853 and in its golden age, the family owned 2600 acres. Today the plantation sits on just over 30 acres.



The weekend after Erika left was my one year anniversary with Blake. It was a rather laid-back weekend, but so wonderful too. On Friday, I embarrassed Blake by having my boss deliver cupcakes to his work :) It was perfect. Saturday, we cooked dinner at home and saw a show at the Exit/In with Dave Barnes, Ben Rector, Andrew Ripp, and Steve Moakler. It was an amazing show! Loved the venue.. Even though it was packed and I was exhausted - yes, I contemplated sitting on the floor between sets.... The actual day of our anniversary I had to work (lame) but we enjoyed breakfast at the Perch and Blake surprised me by washing my car and buying a lovely mirror to hang over my couch. Later that night he made dinner and we had a quiet evening at home later on when Blake made dinner. It was simple and sweet. We are just so blessed to actually be able to spend all of our time together now! Oh, I also surprised Blake with an awesome (if I might say so myself) picnic basket -- hopefully we will use it a lot this summer.

So there is my April in a nutshell. Two months of bliss and frustration have flown by.... I'm hoping that the summer will hold some excitement (and hopefully I will get a job before then). I do think June should be interesting as half of my family plans to travel to or through Nashville.

That's about it... My apartment is fully furnished, we just need to paint my side table and everything we can do for now will be complete. Also, I miss my little sister. ... Wish I could afford to drive to Chicago! This summer for sure..

Love to all.

New location/New name

Hello friends! So if you are visiting this blog from my previous blog (meganchristineslife) then read on for an explanation of the switch... And if you are new to my blog, I hope you enjoy the ramblings and daily habit's of one gal creatively evolving.

My last blog was created under my college email address. After graduation I moved to using a gmail account and hardly ever look at my old email. However, if I do not sign in to my college email periodically, then my password will expire and I will be locked out forever more... And if that email expired, then my blog would expire as well. Confusing? Well, suffice it to say, it was time for a change.

The title "Creatively Evolving" came from my previous title of "Ever-changing". Blake came up with it - "ever-changing" reminded him of a phrase by Henri Bergson that he used to describe the philosphical concept of creative evolution, "The continual elaboration of the absolutely new". As the phrase was too long (and most people wouldn't understand it), we settled on "creativeevolution". With this name already taken, we moved on. "Creatively evolving" came about after a few tries and it was perfect. My life is ever-changing and yet I am creatively evolving as well. As a photographer and a writer, I find new ways to use my skills every day. I am also always searching out new skills and hobbies (I am not great at spray painting).

There you have it. Welcome to my new blog. And for more reading, check out my just for fun blog: http://insearchofgems.blogspot.com/. There I will be finding and reporting on little hole-in-the wall, hidden gems as I find them.

Love God, Love people.

Numbers of Frustration

I like numbers. I’m not always good at them, but they tend to control our lives to some point. Here are a few that are controlling mine… While I was working, I had been searching and applying for jobs here for eight months and I had wanted to quit my job for a total of 10 months. I haven’t actually worked in six weeks and I have been jobless (no pay) for five weeks (35 days). In that time of not working, I have applied for over 30 jobs. I have since acquired one consulting job (supposedly; they have no timeline as of yet), a part-time job that pays just above minimum wage, and zero full-time positions. These are the numbers that continue to haunt me every day as I search the internet for more position openings, meet with contacts, and mail out resumes.

I suppose I am finally feeling the effects of the economy. It’s frustrating. Baylor kind of teaches you that you will be invincible with a degree and your first job – land that and you’re good. Yes, my first salaried job took a few months to get as well, but as soon as the timing was right, I got it immediately. Now, I feel like the timing is right... What better time could there be? But God knows best. It’s the only mantra that keeps me sane.

I’m lucky, I know this. Most people get laid off, they don’t choose to quit their job and move to another state. I am the one who made that crazy decision :) Yep, me, and I am loving it. I love being near Blake and I love Tennessee. I’m lucky because I had money set aside and I was able to pay my first and second months’ rent and my bills. Ok, maybe I’m not lucky – I’m blessed. God has set provisions for me before my move and has watched over me, providing a great little apartment with affordable rent. So I am continuing to trust that he knows what my future holds; which is comforting, because I have absolutely no idea.

So I have accepted this part-time job to have some sort of income as I continue to apply and search for something full-time. That has taken a lot for me to come to. It feels like I am accepting defeat. I know it’s normal and necessary and all of that, but it’s a bit of a blow to move from a salary to hourly pay.
Then I calculate in the hourly pay, and the few hours I will be working, and I just about stop breathing. Surely God is aware of my situation… So what am I doing wrong? I’m supposed to be here, my apartment is perfect and the best price available… Now what? An evening part-time job… Possibly.
So there you have it. I’m stressed and frustrated. I was asked if I feel like I made a mistake in moving and to that I can say a definite no. No, I’m supposed to be here. I would have quit my job anyway and it was perfect timing to move.

Too bad it’s not summer already. At least then I could enjoy laying out by the pool in the middle of the day :)

To everyone who has been so encouraging and sent prayers up for me, thank you. Really, I honestly appreciate it. Some days I do get irritated with the constant “you’ll get a job soon, I know it”, only because I don’t always know it, but at the end of the day, I appreciate your encouragement and your belief in me.

And to all of my friends in the same situation, or with spouses in the same situation, I finally understand. I thought I did before, but now I really do. And I have learned to pray a little harder in this time, so you’re slightly more covered now :)

Deena

I really should be sleeping right now.. Tomorrow is moving day! By this time tomorrow I will be an actual Nashville resident. But I've decided to put sleep off for a bit because my best-friend back home asked that I write a blog about how much I miss her, once that actually hits me. Well, it hit me tonight. And since I may be without Internet for a few days, I decided to put that in to words now.

Blake and I had a date night tonight; meeting for dinner at Cozymel's (great Mexican food for TN) and renting a movie at the RedBox, before heading back to Allie and Eric's in Franklin. As we were driving through downtown Franklin, I couldn't help but think how soon summer will be here and how I can't wait to go shopping at all of the antique stores and the girl design shops and dress shops... And I honestly started to tear up because I thought of one friend I would call up to do that with and she is 700 miles away. Of course, I could do the same amount of shopping with Blake by my side, but sometimes you just need a girl to go shopping with.

I do have a few girl friends here, but I'm not quite to that comfort level of knowing that I can call them on a moments notice to hang out. Mostly because most of them are newlyweds and I feel awkward asking them to ditch their husband (or family for that matter). But even if Deena and I were both newlyweds or had families, our friendship is that which I could ask her to ditch the hubby for friend time and shopping.

It's not just because of shopping that I miss D. That just struck this Texas girl first because the idea of walking from one store to another is exciting in itself. Then you add in the fact that it's actual shops in buildings older than most things in Texas and it won't be sweltering heat of 110+! That just makes me smile in anticipation...

But I really can't go over to her house for Ghost Whisperer marathons or hang out by the pool this summer. She can't call me to save her from an awkward situation/party..instead I sometimes miss the text just telling me about it. I am so thankful for gchat, email, facebook, text and unlimited minutes, but it's not everything. I do believe I have strengthened one relationship and switched the other one to limited contact.. I know it was the right decision :) I love Blake like crazy, but it sucks that I couldn't box Deena up with me. I guess I'll just have to work harder on a plan of how to get her up here...

That's all for now. I miss my best friend and wish she could help me decorate my very sparse and very small apartment tomorrow, but I suppose I will just have to get it ready for her to come visit (soon!).

Goodnight everyone :)

If I was any good at design and had the appropriate software, I would not have spent the past (nearly) hour searching for a new background... Do you like it? It's called "Madison Avenue". I thought it was classic and clean.

My Tennessee Boy

I began my blog when I left home for a few months to live in New York City, which, up until recently, is the only other state I have lived in out. But I have once again moved from Texas and I am now calling Tennessee home. This time, however, it's not for just a few months....this time it is indefinite. I may never return to Texas... I do not know what my future holds.

In the past two years, especially in 2009, I have become a sporadic blogger. Since I am once again far from home and my family is beginning to stretch across states, I have decided to pick it back up. More constant blogs from me, that's a promise.

There are only a few reasons why I haven't blogged in so many months, one is - my computer crashed last fall and the idea of blogging from work was not attractive (I now have a new computer, thanks to my awesome grandfather). Another reason also related to work - in October of last year I began to very actively seek new employment. I was not a fan of my boss, which made me eager to find a more "normal" position, and I desperately wanted to move to Nashville; both things made me only want to write about my desire to get out of Dallas and be in Nashville already. Around that time, I began "micro-blogging", which basically means I joined the world of Twitter, and I began to think that brief updates were enough.

So.. excuses, excuses... and I'm back.

My life has been crazy and full of new experiences since September. Here are the highlights...
October: I attended my first Alabama football game. That is an experience. It was great fun and the beat Tennessee :)
November: For the first time ever, I brought a "significant other" to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's house. It was great to show Blake my sort of hometown and introduce him to some of the family.
December: Hosted a Help-Portrait event. Spent my first Christmas with Blake's family, away from my own. There was not snow, but it was still a wonderful Tennessee Christmas.
January: Decided to move without a job and began to take steps towards that decision.
February: Quit my job, welcomed Kelli's new baby into the world, said "see you later" to my Dallas friends and my best friend, packed up my life and moved 700 miles away...

So here I am, in Tennessee, finally living in the same city as the love of my life :) Jobless, but moving in to an apartment at the end of the week. If you know anyone who is hiring in Nashville - let me know.

That's the catch up on my life as of late.. The condensed version for sure :)

My two loves chose me

One of my dear friends has blessed my life with her beautiful music. So much so, that one of her songs touches on my relationship with the two loves of my life: God and Blake. (Denise, please forgive me if I have mistaken any of your lyrics!)

I Chose You
-Denise Hearn

You better get to runnin’
Trust me, you shouldn’t stay
A trail of broken hearts left in my wake
Legendary for my mistakes

But you say “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”

I packed up my heart and hit the road
Telling lies, pretending I like to be alone
Tried to run away, you came after me
With a look in your eyes, brought me to my knees

And you said, “I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”
“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”

Try to tell you, leave while you can,
Don’t waste your time on me
For all the times I’ve offended, you never leave, you never leave

“I chose you, so here I’ll stay, nothing you can do will take me away”

My relationship with God was shaky at best through college. My freshman year was a time of rebellion. Surprisingly, I got myself into very little trouble and by sophomore year I had decided to change my life and lived a very strong Christian life that year. I was encouraged by my roommates and attended church regularly. Junior year started off ok..but I was back to my old antics by the time I moved to New York City. In all of this time, I moved between running to God to fulfill my life and running to what was supposed to be the "normal, fun, crazy college life." I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and what my parents always told me not to do.

Senior year was up and down... By the summer after graduation, I was through. I gave in to the partying and dating multiple guys as I decided to have one last hurrah before I entered the real world, because I deserved it. Or so I thought. I may have gone to church once or twice that summer, but throughout I was sure that it was better to be alone. I had made too many mistakes.. I had been called a hypocrite one too many times and I was done. I had been burned by people. Wasn't that sufficient? Could I not live as I chose? But he brought me to my knees...

By the end of summer I was desperate. I had chosen my summer antics, but from there, would I choose to continue them and move to San Antonio where the party-life would be 24/7? Or should I move to Dallas and pray for yet another change? Dallas was the best answer. And just a few days in to my move, I was struck with a bad ear infection and a rare strain of strep throat. I was bedridden for over a week and began to understand God's call to, "Be still and know that I am God." During that time he continued to bless me. I didn't have any damaging aftereffects from my illness and I was offered a well-paid job.

Continuously, God has shown how he has chosen me. My relationship with Christ is far from perfect. It is a daily failing on my part, but even today He reminded me of His perfect love... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine...[He will be with me and protect me]...Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you." (Isaiah 23: 1-4).

He will never leave me, nor forsake me. His perfect love is always wrapped around me, even when I try to ignore it. I may never learn to love Him as He loves me, but this song reminds me to continue trying, because no matter how far I run - He will always be waiting for me. Listen to her other songs, they are fitting too... "I could try to move away, but I know I just can't escape, cause you haunt me with your love, it's the one thing I just can't get enough of" (Middle of the Lake).

---

Blake. He's been through a lot with me in the past five months. Not long after our relationship began, I tried to destroy it. Truly I did. All that I can say is that I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think was, I'm in love with this guy that I hardly know and he's going to hurt me. There was nothing of substance to my thoughts. He was nothing but kind to me and possesses an attribute of great loyalty.

But I had "a trail of broken hearts left in my wake"; I was skilled at ending relationships before they ever really began. In the past, most of the endings came about because I knew that he (whoever he was) wasn't the one, but this time was different - this time I wondered if he (Blake) was the one. That scared me more than anything. I began to think that if he knew my mistakes, if he found out, that would be the end to it. So I started telling him, first with past relationships. I threw one mistake after another into his face. It was like I was saying the first two lines to him "you better get to runnin', trust me, you shouldn't stay."

Thankfully, I have a wise friend who finally told me, as I was contemplating what else to tell him, to let the past remain in the past for now. I ended my week of attacks and came to realize that what had been my greatest "fear" was really my greatest joy. Blake is "the one." And the best part of all, he's accepting of my past because he has chosen me. All I have to do to bring a smile to my face is to think of his love for me.

But once again, our relationship is not perfect, but "for all the times I've offended, [he] never leaves." It's amazing. But my love for him is just as strong. He's the perfect fit to what my heart has desired. And together we can grow in Christ, who has not only chosen us each as individuals, but He has chosen us for each other. We are so greatly blessed!

--

So Denise's song may break my heart as it reminds me of how foolish I have been, but it is really just a softening as it reminds me how greatly I am loved.

--

Love God,
Love people.
And remember - he has chosen you as well.

Moving Forward... and... How do you worship?

My life has been crazy... And while I have wanted to blog, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to say what all that I want to say. At the same time, I have decided to shut down my myspace account. I don't use it, so why have all of that information out there? I do think the site is great to find new musicians, but I can do that without being a member... So, as I prepare to shut down, I thought I would share a few blogs that I wrote once upon a time. I may take time to post new stuff in between, but I plan to be more consistent in posting over the next few weeks.

A handful of you have read these, but most have not. They have been hidden from public eyes for quite some time.
Here is the first installment...

posted October 20, 2006:

A week ago I met a woman, who came into the bookstore where I work, and I talked to her for a bit. She told my co-worker and I about her sister and brother-in-law. She said that whenever she dates someone new, her brother-in-law will ask, "Does he know about you?" In this, he was referring to her style of worship; an aspect that intrigues her brother-in-law and leads him to believe that whoever she dates must accept her style of worship. Is the lady crazy? No, she's is just a very open worshipper, not your traditional stand in one place, act solemn, type of worshipper.

The Sunday before this encounter, my Waco pastor preached on worship and the different types that exist. It was such an interesting sermon, I must recant it before I reach my point. If you are an Antiocher, I hope you enjoy this, even if you've heard it already!

Praise and Worship:

Praise. Defined as "active, demonstrative."

Psalm 71:8 – "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all the day long."

Psalm 34:1-3 – "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."

Jimmy said that what we talk about excitedly is what we praise. We began to praise God. It was amazing.

2 Samuel 6:16-23 talks about how David danced before the Lord. He was active, demonstrating his love for God and yet his wife, Michal, despised him. In the end, it was David who was blessed and Michal who was cursed (she had no children).

Worship. Defined as bowing low.
Jimmy defined it as laying out in humility before God, standing in awe of Him. It allows us to draw near and be intimate. It must be experience to be fully understood. It is a holy love. It must be focused, an undistracted devotion.

Forms of Praise and Worship:

Clap.

Psalm 47:1 – "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy."

Shout.

Revelations 5:11-13 – "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:

'Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!'

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:

'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever.' "

Proclaim – Sing.

1 Chronicles 16:23 – "Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day."

Dance.

Psalm 149: 3 – "Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp."

Stand in awe.

Psalm 33:8 – "Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him."

Kneel, bow.

Psalm 95: 6 – "Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker…"

Be Still.

Psalm 46:10 – " 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "

Meditate, repent, bow.

So what did I do during this time? Between each form that was defined, it was then expressed. I praised, I sang, I danced, I was still.


I sometimes wonder if the people I love and the friends that are closest to my heart "know me." Like the woman at the bookstore- do those who know my style of worship wonder as her brother-in-law did. Do you know how I worship? Shouldn't you? It is such an integral part of my life, but unless you attend church with me or unless you have shared a quiet time with me.. I don't think you could fully understand the depth of my worship. It can be private, it can be vocal, it can be portrayed in my everyday life.

Lately, in my daily life, I feel like God is calling me to "be still." I am constantly busy and consumed with other things, but he tugs at my heart just to sit and say hi to him. To take out time to devote to him in the midst of everything, to just breathe.

When I am at church or listening to some great worship music.. I want to dance. Whether it's twirling around my room or dancing at church. Do you know that I love to dance at church? That Sunday was amazing. Bri and Amy B and I ran to the front and danced. The freedom I felt is what I grew up with. I've always seen this form of worship as normal, excepted, encouraged. If you don't agree with it, I won't say your wrong, but I just don't understand you. Oh the joy of dancing before my God :)

So here is another part of me. It is a small view into my life of worship. I don't want you to think that Jimmy taught me how to worship, he is a great pastor, but this is what I've grown up doing. He simply took what I do and put the terms and verses all into one sermon. He combined the entirety of my worship, into a simple sermon, one that I wished to share with you. It is simple but there it is.

-----------------------------

There is the post.
It's funny sometimes the forgotten past can make you question your present. I forgot about that day of dancing with Bri and Amy, and I don't remember the last time I danced in church.. I've always heard that God is creative in how he speaks to you. Tonight... well tonight he used my own words to speak to me. To call me back into His heart of worship. Whether by dancing, or clapping, or singing, worship is somewhat absent in my life.

So here is my question. How do you worship? Or do you? And when you are worshipping, is it God you praise, or the world?

We go together, like a wink and a smile ;)

Do you ever miss the anticipation of signing online? The waiting as AOL dialed up and the little man ran across the screen, till he met up with his friends.. The final connection and those sweet words... "you've got mail"... just before the ding of an IM from a friend who has seen your name and is anxious to talk to you. Quite honestly, I had the entire..song?.. no, it wasn't a song :) but the sound of the dial up, memorized and I knew just when it was finally connecting.

Isn't it funny to think that the simple act of signing online will be completely foreign to our kids? I know I'm only 23, but these ideas are intriguing to me. By the time my kids are my age, they probably won't even call it the Internet anymore, it will have evolved into something new and different. Or at least they will be connected at every moment of the day. We're already moving into a world of Web 3.0, what's next? That idea is intriguing to me as well. What will our world truly evolve in to?

If you know me at all, you know my slight obsession with "You've Got Mail." I've decided to indulge myself tonight, which explains my thought process. Every time I watch it, I remember something new that I love about it. Criticize if you want, but the lines are clever and the story line is simple but sweet. It's one of the few movies that makes me want things like a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Blake definitely proved how amazing he is the other day with a simple text.. after saying that I was close to crying, he responded with "don't cry shopgirl." It's just the simple thoughts, gestures and such that I love. Or my sister, buying me "Ballet Shoes" for Christmas. She's awesome. Last thing - this movie has one of the best soundtracks. Just so you know :)

Well, I'm a bit tired and in need of finishing a few things before I head off to bed. I hope you are all doing lovely and if you are in need of something to cheer you up, check out the movie. If nothing else, the shots of NYC are fantastic.

Love God.
Love people.

I realized tonight that there is a hearbreak that I may never get over. Not in this world anyway.

I haven't been to Wichita Falls since March. I keep telling myself that I'll go next month, I'm too busy now or I have to work, or it's too far to drive alone, or I don't have the extra cash for gas..But none of that is true. Here's the truth- I can't bare the thought of going to my grandparents house and my granfather not being there. I love my grandmother, I do.. But I want to see my grandfather sitting on the front porch, or in his chair in the formal living room, or watching tv in the den. I want to wake up to the smells of breakfast and coffee brewing, with him talking to my grandmother and reading the paper. Saying things like "oh Patsy.." I want him to tell me to check my oil before I leave. I want to introduce him to Blake. I want to take him to the French Riviera. I want him to play with my kids one day.

He was the only constant grandfather I had. He loved all of us so much. But my heart breaks when I think of the last day I saw him...He had been sick but was finally home and on the road to recovery. My family was leaving his house, saying our goodbyes and I was rushing my dad out the door. "C'mon let's go, he's fine. No need to worry about wills and such." He just wanted to make sure my grandmother would be taken care of and I wanted to go home. It breaks my heart to think about it. It's not something I will let go of very easily.

So I haven't been back. But I know I need to. I'm missing out on seeing my baby cousin grow up. And I haven't been there for my grandmother, but I dont know how to be. I couldn't even read my sisters blog about him until tonight.. and I cried. I'm still crying. She's right, death does suck.

Hello Again...

It's been too long.
So much has changed... and this summer has flown by. Where should I begin to describe the last four months?

Let's begin with the main reason as to why I haven't blogged... Last September, my trusty laptop died on me. And since I have major issues with understanding how to save money (I'm getting better) I have yet to purchase a replacement. So I was using my roommates computer... until my sweet cat decided to knock my water bottle on to her keyboard, putting it out of commission for an extended period. Without going in to much more detail, I am not in the best position to spend money on a laptop at the moment and so, God in all of his graciousness, blessed me with an awesome grandfather who has bestowed his laptop upon me for an indefinite length of time. So I am blessed and I am back to writing. Hello Again :)

While a laptop is certainly a blessing, this summer has been full of even greater blessings..

With my last post I was deciding on what adventures to take this summer, I was planning trips to see friends but the days ahead of me were empty pages with just a few weddings written in. The first wedding was days following that post: April 18. On that day my sweet friend Allie married her love, Boots, and I met my love, Blake.The pages were no longer blank, they were beginning to fill rapidly.
That's right my friends; my love story has been written this summer and it has been both sweet and amazing.

Boots and Allie concocted this idea of introducing Blake and I at their wedding some months before their day arrived. I believe Blake heard more about me than I heard about him during this time, but probably because he was Boots' roommate and I was off in Dallas. To be honest, I didn't event remember what Blake's name was, just that he was a groomsman and Boots' best-friend. I'll leave our actual meeting for a face-to-face story, but I will say that by the time I got back to my hotel from the reception, I knew I had met someone special. I texted him right away to thank him for a fun evening and hoped that this would not be the last time that I would see him. It wasn't :)

My trip to Nashville came unexpectedly, but it did happen. About two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, I found out that my parents, my little sister and my grandmother were taking a trip to Nashville and I begged a spot in the car. I must say that a drive like that, in a car with four other people, is not fun.. but it was completely worth it. I fell in love with Blake that weekend. I stayed with Boots and Allie and spent five marvelous days with Blake. Since then he has flown in to see me, though after our upcoming vacation, I will be flying up there for my birthday. It's a give and take. It is hard being so far apart, but every night I have phone date waiting for me and a supportive boyfriend to listen to me, or entertain me :) I really and truly am blessed.

I know this isn't all poetry and prose, or perhaps the best writing you've read from me, but basically -- I'm back. And maybe I should have picked an evening to return when my thoughts weren't slightly clouded by benadryl, but then again, who cares :) Ok, I really should call it a night..

I've missed you, I hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.

Love God,
Love people.

Unicorns are magical.

I feel loved.
It's a great feeling. Being in love may be better, but just being loved...it sustains you. it sustains me.

I'm enjoying an evening alone.. Watching the last show of Life on Mars, eating ice cream, listening to amazing artists like The Weepies, and dreaming. Dreaming of place far, far away.
Like Scotland and LA,
Indiana ;)
and the Greek Isles.
While reminiscing over places like NY,
England and Waco.
Where shall I go this summer, back to NY? Possibly.. nothing is certain.
Maybe Nashville... Maybe I'll become a wanderer and circumvent the world.

How can one person kill your joy and serenity? That I don't understand..

Goodnight all.

Love God
Love people.

Saying goodbye...

This week I am saying goodbye to two amazing men and it is leaving me heartbroken.

Last Friday my great-grandfather died at age 95. His funeral was Monday- it was the beginning of bittersweet reunions. I met cousins I had never met before and I mourned one of the greatest veterinarians ever. But he went to be with our sweet Granny Granny, a ballerina full of grace and beauty, and I know they are happy.

Being with the family early this week was memorable. It was my mother's grandfather from her adoptive father's side (trust me when I say my family is more confusing than that). Her dad is awesome. He is the one whom I have posted about previously, who builds the rockets, gets into a bunch of trouble and meets me for lunch once a week. His best-friend was at the house where we all met up with each other and John had a few stories to tell on my Granpa Dan. Such as the time that John was arrested and thrown in to a Mexican jail (he took full blame when they were caught smuggling stuff into Mexico) and my granpa left him there because college classes were starting back up. He stayed there for two months. But that was only one of many stories that John told on Granpa and Granpa told on John, even before my aunts and uncles joined in with their own stories.

I love stories. But maybe some are better told than written, or at least written on a blog :)

After the funeral, on Monday, we drove back to Dallas. Wednesday morning, as I was getting ready for work, my dad called with the news - his dad, my loving grandfather, had died. Just over a month ago he had congestive heart failure and was in the hospital and then rehab for 41 days, I believe. Last Friday he was able to go home and we had stayed with him and my grandmother. He seemed ok... He was ok... But when he first went in the hospital he had three heartattacks and died for two minutes, before being brought back -- he told us that he was running down the streets of gold. I'm sure he's doing that now. Rejoicing and having fun :) But I miss him, we all do.

In May, my grandparents would have celebrated their 53rd anniversary and they've lived in the same house for over 40 years. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I just don't know how my grandmother will handle losing her other half.

Lot's of people came for the funeral, which was today. Guys that had worked with Pappaw at Southwestern Bell and some who worked for him when he owned the Ember Shop and D&D Tractor. His brothers and sister, my grandmother's family, my cousins and more - family poured in. Once again, there were cousins I had never met before - his brother's kids - and it was yet another impromptu family reunion. I love my family and meeting extended family, but not under these circumstances.

A few memories: Every Christmas each of the grandkids and kids gets a stocking with a lottery scratch-off from Pappaw.. In junior high both him and Grandy came to every game I cheered at.. He was the first to give me a hard time, and always greeted me with a hello and "you datin' anyone yet?"

I miss him..

So there's a belief that everything happens in threes -- the third death this week was my car. The lil sis was driving it from Waco to Dallas when a car dropped a box of pipes, which landed in front of my car... Yeah it's in the shop and not working, but after a hefty bill, it should be fixed and in good condition again.

Now my prayer is that my heart will begin to heal, my grandmother will be ok and smile again, and the family will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Hope your week is good.

Love God,
Love people.
and take time to tell your family that you love them.

change..

I wish I was skilled at html. I'm not a fan of the page layouts, the few that exist, but I was in need of a change...so here is what we are left with. If I knew more html I would just recreate my entire background - back to the basics with a few personal color touches.

I thought I was in a blogging mood, but I guess that has passed and now Heroes is on. This season is pretty wicked.

By the way, my grandfather is doing better. I mean, anything could happen, but he is out of CICU and in a regular room. He's breathing on his own and has been sitting up most of the day. Just... continue to keep him in your prayers.

You'll hear from me soon.

Love God.
Love people.

Phish Food

It's freezing outside and yet.. It's most definitely an ice cream night.

We left the Falls on Tuesday morning after my grandfather was determined critically stable. We wanted to beat the ice storm so that I could get back to work and Bri could get back to school, but my dad stayed for a few extra days.

My grandfather was taken off the ventilator/breathing machine today and everything was looking up. He was talking and four hours later, they had to put him back on the machine. Without it, they said it would put too much pressure on his heart and he wouldn't make it. He wasn't happy and my grandmother is just torn up. She had stopped crying when I called, but she sounds different. Tuesday morning I found out she was there when he flatlined. She said it was the hardest thing to watch. My dad is doing better but he said he has a bad feeling...

There's nothing more to write for now... He's alive, that I can praise God for, and I can pray for His will above ours. A prayer I'm also sending up for a friend's husband who has lost his job. This economy sucks. I know everyone knows that, but it had to be said yet again.

I'm off to read a newsletter from soldiers in Iraq, then a bit of The Alchemist and finally, sleep :)

Goodnight all. Find peace in this world by surrounding yourself with the ones you love, cherish your time together.

Love God, love people.